Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
It is commonly accepted that some
children
and teenagers use their phones for hours each day. This
, in my opinion, results from social media
platforms' exceptional ability to keep users' attention. It should be viewed as a negative development because it can be harmful to children
's mental health.
Social media
algorithms are extremely good at providing people with content
that holds their attention. They track user behavior like search history and engagement and use machine learning to analyze the data gathered. This
process allows them to offer users an endless stream of postings optimized to keep their interest. Since children
tend to lack self-control, they may be unable to resist such
personalized content
and wind up wasting too much time on their phones.
Unfortunately, hours of phone time every day can harm children
's mental health. Perfectly filtered pictures and staged videos on social media
create an unrealistic world for children
scrolling through their feeds. Consuming too much content
like this
may make them unhappy with who they are. Consider the body image issues that Instagram has caused in teenage girls. After seeing post after post of fitness influencers who appear to have perfect lives and bodies, some adolescent girls may find it very difficult to refrain from comparing themselves to those influencers. It is not surprising that so many start worrying about their physical attractiveness.
To recapitulate concerning all about facts we can clearly see some children
spend a large amount of time on their phones every day because social media
constantly presents them with content
designed to keep their attention. Sadly, this
can take a toll on their mental health.Submitted by addaragelal on
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Task response
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coherence and cohesion
The coherence of your essay is generally good. You supported your ideas with relevant examples and arguments. However, be conscious of paragraph linking. Make sure that one paragraph flows into the next in a cohesive and connected manner by using linking words and phrases. This will help your essay become much more coherent and easier to read.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary you demonstrated was generally acceptable. However, avoid repetition and redundancy in your words and phrases. Finding alternatives or synonyms for commonly-used words can improve your essay.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is good as you displayed the correct usage of complex sentences, tenses, and punctuation. Meanwhile, focus on sentence structuring and avoiding mistakes with singular and plural forms. Always proofread your essay before submitting to avoid minor mistakes.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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