IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic Technology development in a country may cause the death of tradition skills and ways of life. It is pointless to ensure the survival of tradition skills and ways of life. To what extend do you agree or disagree with the above?

Whlie
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While
 some
agrue
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argue
agree
 that preserving traditional
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and
ways
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 is pointless against
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 development, I believe that some traditional skills and
ways
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 of
life
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 cannot
be replace
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be replaced
show examples
 with
technology
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, as
this
Linking Words
 essay will demonstrate.
Linking Words
FIrstly
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Firstly
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, some traditional skill needs
human's
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human
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 craftmanship, which cannot be
replicate
Wrong verb form
replicated
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 by
technology
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 or AI.
This
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 is because it requires
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life-long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
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 expertise and
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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 human touch.
For example
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, the luxury brand Hermes, still
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 products by hand using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional knowledge, the same way since
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 brand
established
Add a missing verb
was established
show examples
 in
1900s
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the 1900s
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while
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 other luxury brands have turned to
industrialize
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industrialisation
show examples
.
As a result
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, Hermes is the only luxury brand that the sales continue to rise,
while
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 others
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 dropped.
Secondly
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, old
ways
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 of
life
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, in
other word
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another word
other words
show examples
,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 culture.
Although
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 it is true that some traditions
does
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do
show examples
 not function with the modern world,
but
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apply
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not all
needs
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need
show examples
 to be
extinguish
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extinguished
show examples
. It is more important in today's world to preserve culture because it is a unique proposition for a nation.
For instance
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, South Korea is now one of the leading
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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 in
technology
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, but they
also
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 use their traditional culture,
sush
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such
 as food, and history to
generates
Wrong verb form
generate
show examples
 worldwide awareness. These cultural
display
Change the determiner
displays
show examples
 drive its tourism industry and bring tourists around the world to the country. In conclusion, I firmly believe that old
ways
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 of
life
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 or traditional skills should be protected and
preseve
Correct your spelling
preserved
preserve
,
due to
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 cultural value and
unpararel
Correct your spelling
unparallel
 craftmanship. It does not need to
be demolish
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be demolished
show examples
, it needs to
be pass
Change the verb form
be passed
show examples
 on to the next generation.

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task achievement
Your introduction has a clear opinion, but make sure to check spelling and grammar errors. A simpler phrase could be 'some argue'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer transitions between your ideas. For example, use 'firstly,' 'secondly,' and 'finally,' to link your thoughts better.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain how examples connect to your points. Sometimes, the connection was not clear.
content
You have made good points about the value of traditional skills and culture.
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