IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people buy unnecessary things and get into debt when they do not need them. why people who buy extra things are getting into debt and discuss possible solutions.

#people #debt
Many
people
 buy unnecessary
things
 and get into
debt
 when they do not need them.
This
 essay will examine why
people
 who buy extra
things
 are getting into
debt
 and discuss possible solutions. The main factors resulting in buying unnecessary
things
 are not knowing their real needs and
advertisements
. Some
people
 have difficulties identifying their real needs. They cannot properly rank them. They often look for new
things
, thinking that if they buy new devices or tools, they can solve their problems.
For instance
, they buy a new dryer or phone when they already have one. The second and most important factor is the advertisement. The advertisement can easily change the rank of our needs.
For example
, if you have an iPhone 14; you can change your mind after looking at
advertisements
 about iPhone 15.
Thus
,
people
 buy
things
 that they really do not need and get into
debt
.
Nevertheless
, potential ways exist to solve these problems or reduce their effects.
Firstly
,
people
 identify their real needs and rank them in the right order. If they want to buy new
things
, they have to think, is
this
 new thing what they need? or did they have
such
 kind of
divises
Correct your spelling
divides
devises
?
On the other hand
, they do not pay attention to
advertisements
. As we mentioned above,
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 can change our opinions very easily.
To conclude
, failing to identify real needs and
advertisements
 can cause some
people
 to go into
debt
.
People
 must prioritize their needs and not pay attention to
advertisements
.
Submitted by checkmyessay9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

detail
Consider expanding on your examples with more detailed explanations to provide depth to your argument.
variety
While your essay logically progresses from one idea to the next, varying sentence structures and transitions can enhance readability and flow.
clarity
To strengthen your task achievement, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly addresses the task's questions.
introduction/conclusion
Effectively introduced and concluded the essay, providing a clear overview and summarization of the main points.
structure
Your essay follows a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different ideas, which aids in reader comprehension.
examples
Relevant examples were provided to support your main points, helping to illustrate your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer culture
  • Impulsive purchases
  • Financial literacy
  • Retail therapy
  • Sustainable living
  • Minimalism
  • Psychological tricks
  • Credit facilities
  • Debt cycle
  • Budgeting tools
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!