IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The most
Correct article usage
Most
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people
Use synonyms
 know that climate change is happening gradually
due to
Linking Words
 globalization. Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that we should just accept whatever happens to us.
However
Linking Words
, since nature is unpredictable, we must prepare ourselves to live safely and in harmony. I will discuss and provide examples to support my argument that preventing is more important to avoid
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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further
Linking Words
 damage. To overcome global warming, we must begin by looking at our environmental condition. During every rainy season in Jakarta, floods occur everywhere.
This
Linking Words
 happens because of poor drainage
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 and water blockages caused by improper waste disposal. The impact from
that is
Linking Words
 massive,
for instance
Linking Words
, the risk of diarrheal disease is rising. Many children and elderly
people
Use synonyms
 who live in slum
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 are infected easily.
As a result
Linking Words
, many patients come to the hospital more often to find the medicine. Another problem
Correct pronoun usage
that happen
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happen
Change the verb form
happens
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 from
this
Linking Words
 tragedy is business losses.
For example
Linking Words
, the distribution of goods, medical supplies, and commodities is disrupted. Many shops close, and
people
Use synonyms
 cannot travel
due to
Linking Words
 flooding.
This
Linking Words
 cause has a lot of negative
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
 not only in
Add an article
the health
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health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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 sector but
also
Linking Words
 in
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
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, social, and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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. The first step to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greater damage is to educate locals
for
Change preposition
about
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 throwing garbage in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 proper place.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 activity is very helpful
to prevent
Change preposition
in preventing
show examples
 floods after rainstorms. To summarize my opinion, to stop more
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 from climate disruption is our primary concern. As a mortal, we cannot negotiate with nature especially if problems occur
due to
Linking Words
 human activity. In my view, the main responsibility for keeping our nature in balance lies with us.

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task achievement
Develop your introduction further to outline your main points clearly.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that links back to your thesis statement.
cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally'.
supported main points
You provide relevant examples about Jakarta's flooding to support your point.
task achievement
Your overall message about the importance of taking action is clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • climate change
  • prevent
  • adaptation
  • mitigation
  • cope with
  • effects
  • shift
  • mindset
  • lifestyle
  • balance
  • invest
  • research
  • technology
  • crucial
  • education
  • awareness
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