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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today’s children are living under more pressure from society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the opinion?

#today’s #children #pressure #society
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In the modern era,
children
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 are living under more stress in our
society
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 compared to the past
children
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 generations. I strongly believe that
children
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 are under pressure
due to
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 a plethora of factors like studying more competitive subjects, playing mobile games and
also
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 doing online
classes
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. We will discuss the above factors in
this
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 essay with my opinion
To begin
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 with, the
children
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 are getting more pressure in our
society
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 because of more complex
studies
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 in their subjects.
For instance
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,
children
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 who lived a decade before they had learned trigonometry in the tenth standard but nowadays,
children
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 are studying
this
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 one in the fifth standard itself.
However
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, we can say
children
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 are learning in advance but the real thing is that
children
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 are getting stressed in their
studies
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 by
society
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.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 are using mobile
phones
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 to play games, which could affect their growth.
For example
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, they feel mentally stressed
due to
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 continuous usage of mobile
phones
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 and
also
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 it could affect their brain,
consequently
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, it will affect their health
such
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 as feeling tired, and pain in the eyes.
Moreover
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, as per the above statement, it will ruin the
children
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’s morality
then
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 it will affect their life.
Additionally
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,
children
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 doing
studies
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 in online
classes
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 could be a health hazard
due to
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 the long spending time on mobile
phones
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 so they could be attending offline
classes
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 regularly.
To conclude
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,
children
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 are getting more pressure
due to
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 playing online games, studying online
classes
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 and studying more complex mathematics at an early stage so these are the factors that
children
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 face in our
society
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. In my opinion, I would recommend reducing their subject loads it should be based on their age, they should be encouraged to do their
studies
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 on offline shore and
also
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 they need to spend time in physical activities to avoid mobile
phones
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.
Submitted by saravanan.ko2011 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance logical flow between paragraphs by using transition words and linking phrases.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your main points.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the main ideas to make them more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that address the task prompt.
task achievement
The essay presents several main points related to the stress children face in modern society.
coherence cohesion
The structure of paragraphs is clear and each paragraph contains a distinct point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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