Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is said that some individuals are of the opinion that
children
benefit from outdoor activities
more than playing computer
games
. I strongly agree that outdoor activities
are more beneficial mainly because of help physical development.
It is my view that doing outdoor activities
leads to improving physical development. These activities
provide a place for playing sports. For example
, riding a bicycle, climbing trees, running and jumping. Because of them, strong muscles and bones are developing gradually. As a result
of these changes, boosting stamina will come up. In addition
, these activities
can help emotional and cognitive improvement. They are more likely to provide an atmosphere for communicating with other people. Owing to these communications and speaking with peers, children
are able to find new friends who help each other. So that it ends up improving language skills and self-confidence.
In contrast
, some people claim that playing computer
games
fosters cognitive skills. Computer
games
almost have different stages and each one has a unique story. Therefore
, finding out the game story helps pass each stage one by one. This
realization can improve storytelling. However
, I believe it is not a valid idea, due to
the fact that reading and watching visual books can be more helpful. Furthermore
, computer
games
can improve imagination and critical thinking. If children
are aware of special tips and tricks in some video games
, such
as mazes or puzzles, they will do a step ahead in the game. Then
, trying different methods to find out-of-box solutions may improve a creative ideas
more and more. But in my idea, Correct the article-noun agreement
creative ideas
a creative idea
children
can benefit from facilities like parks, museums and exhibitions which can broaden their horizons.
In conclusion, I completely agree that outdoor activities
are more beneficial than computer
games
because of improving physical and emotional development.Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on
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coherence cohesion
You've written a coherent essay with a clear position throughout. However, try to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Consider developing your arguments further by providing more detailed examples and elaborating on how outdoor activities specifically benefit cognitive and emotional development.
task achievement
To improve your essay, also consider addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly. Acknowledge the benefits of computer games more deeply, then refute or compare these benefits convincingly to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes your argument, maintaining a clear stance throughout.
task achievement
You've used relevant examples to support your main points, such as the benefits of physical activities and social interactions.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, helps in clearly presenting your viewpoints.