Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children’s #development #computer #games

It is said that some individuals are of the opinion that

children

benefit from outdoor

activities

more than playing

computer

games

. I strongly agree that outdoor

activities

are more beneficial mainly because of help physical development. It is my view that doing outdoor

activities

leads to improving physical development. These

activities

provide a place for playing sports.

For example

, riding a bicycle, climbing trees, running and jumping. Because of them, strong muscles and bones are developing gradually.

As a result

of these changes, boosting stamina will come up.

In addition

, these

activities

can help emotional and cognitive improvement. They are more likely to provide an atmosphere for communicating with other people. Owing to these communications and speaking with peers,

children

are able to find new friends who help each other. So that it ends up improving language skills and self-confidence.

In contrast

, some people claim that playing

computer

games

fosters cognitive skills.

Computer

games

almost have different stages and each one has a unique story.

Therefore

, finding out the game story helps pass each stage one by one.

This

realization can improve storytelling.

However

, I believe it is not a valid idea,

due to

the fact that reading and watching visual books can be more helpful.

Furthermore

computer

games

can improve imagination and critical thinking. If

children

are aware of special tips and tricks in some video

games

such

as mazes or puzzles, they will do a step ahead in the game.

Then

, trying different methods to find out-of-box solutions may improve

a creative ideas

Correct the article-noun agreement

creative ideas

a creative idea

show examples

more and more. But in my idea,

children

can benefit from facilities like parks, museums and exhibitions which can broaden their horizons. In conclusion, I completely agree that outdoor

activities

are more beneficial than

computer

games

because of improving physical and emotional development.

Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on Sun May 12 2024

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coherence cohesion

You've written a coherent essay with a clear position throughout. However, try to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay.

task achievement

Consider developing your arguments further by providing more detailed examples and elaborating on how outdoor activities specifically benefit cognitive and emotional development.

task achievement

To improve your essay, also consider addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly. Acknowledge the benefits of computer games more deeply, then refute or compare these benefits convincingly to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Your essay effectively introduces and concludes your argument, maintaining a clear stance throughout.

task achievement

You've used relevant examples to support your main points, such as the benefits of physical activities and social interactions.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, helps in clearly presenting your viewpoints.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical development
Overall health
Coordination
Foster
Social skills
Teamwork
Mental well-being
Creativity
Exploration
Strategic thinking
Problem-solving
Hand-eye coordination
Sedentary lifestyles
Social isolation
Moderation
Balanced approach
Detract
Obesity
Poor posture

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