IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Buying things on the internet, such as book, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweight tha disadvantages?

In
this
Linking Words
 era, buying items or booking services through e-commerce has
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 mainstream. Everyone loves to buy something from
shopee
Change the capitalization
Shopee
show examples
 or Tokopedia
due to
Linking Words
 attractive deals.
Although
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 there are good points about buying online, Some
people
Use synonyms
 have bad experiences
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 that. The following passage will explain my point of view.
To begin
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 by looking
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 advantage,
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
show examples
 online is more popular among us
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for young
people
Use synonyms
. One advantage of online shopping is that it saves time. You can choose
your
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 suitable items that you want to buy or book.
For instance
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, you can book tickets long beforehand for vacation in your rooms without going to the travel agent. You can
also
Linking Words
 explore the products using your smartphone. Another reason that
people
Use synonyms
 want to buy online is about the
price
Use synonyms
. You have seen the exact
price
Use synonyms
 of your things. If the
price
Use synonyms
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 the best deal, you can buy it directly without a doubt.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 say that buying things online has its downside. Sometimes, the quality is low.
For example
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, the fabric may not match
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the description and fragile.
This
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 often gets the low rating of the product.
Also
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, if you want to return the product, it takes time.
Therefore
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, you have to watch carefully the process until your claim is approved.
To sum up
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, ordering items online has several pros and cons. It depends on how well you search highly rated shop and consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
price
Use synonyms
 towards the quality. I personally believe that shopping online makes our lives easier than offline.

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task achievement
Try to improve the introduction by clearly stating your opinion on the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas better within and between paragraphs for clearer flow.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points, making your argument stronger.
task achievement
You clearly mentioned both pros and cons of online shopping, which is important for the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion sums up the main points well and gives a personal opinion.
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