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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many parts of the world,
people
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 in rural
areas
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 often
move
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 to
cities
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, resulting in a declining population in rural
areas
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. I believe
this
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 situation is a negative
development
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 for several reasons.
Firstly
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, rural
people
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 migrate to urban
areas
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 because they want to have a better life. It is often believed that big
cities
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 offer lucrative opportunities for many
people
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 to change their lives. Career
development
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,
for example
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: when
people
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 want to pursue a better career, they have to
move
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 to big
cities
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, making their villages become emptier.
However
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, if
this
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 wave of urbanization becomes uncontrollable, the countryside will suffer from a lack of infrastructure and remain underdeveloped.
That is
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 to say, the government should invest in balanced regional
development
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;
otherwise
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,
people
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 will always
move
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 to
cities
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 for a better life. Another reason is that moving to big
cities
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 without proper skills can worsen
people
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's lives. Some
people
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move
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 to urban
areas
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 with inadequate training or experience, leading them to unemployment and financial instability. Take freelance work as an example. Most unskilled
people
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 struggle to find full-time jobs; at the same time, they
also
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 do not have a financial cushion, which makes their income unstable and their future uncertain.
Therefore
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,
instead
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 of having a better life, unskilled
people
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 can exacerbate urban poverty because of overpopulation. By providing vocational training programs in rural
areas
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, the government could reduce the number of
people
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 moving to big
cities
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. In conclusion, rural
people
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 migrate to big
cities
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 because of promising opportunities
such
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 as career paths.
This
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 can bring a negative impact since
an
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uncontrollable urbanization may cause rural neglect and increase urban overcrowding, particularly when migrants lack adequate skills. A comprehensive approach that fosters rural
development
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 and provides skills training is essential to mitigate these negative effects and ensure sustainable growth.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is good. However, adding a brief overview of what will be discussed in the essay can help guide the reader better.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, try to summarize the key points discussed in the body paragraphs more clearly. This will reinforce your arguments and leave a stronger impression.
task achievement
You have good main points, but adding one or two more specific examples could strengthen your arguments and provide more evidence for your claims.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear stance and logically argues against uncontrolled urbanization, which is a strong point.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is mostly clear, and each paragraph has a main idea, which is helpful for the reader's understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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