IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people suggest that it is wrong to give money to beggars asking for money on the street, while others think that it is the right thing to do. Which point of view do you think is correct, and why?

The heated debate on whether it’s wrong or right to give
money
Use synonyms
 to
beggars
Use synonyms
 on the streets has been going on for a long time.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that
this
Linking Words
 is a waste of their net worth, others consider it a simple act of generosity and morally right. Thinking of the reasons, I agree more with the latter. At first glance, giving to
beggars
Use synonyms
 appears like a waste of
money
Use synonyms
 and an unnecessary thing to do.
People
Use synonyms
 often show support for
this
Linking Words
 idea by saying that it brings no apparent benefit to them and only takes away from their
money
Use synonyms
. Another point
people
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 add is that when hobos are given cash, they spend it on useless and meaningless items rather than using it to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
key necessities
such
Linking Words
 as food and water. The former includes alcohol and types of drugs.
On the other hand
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,
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
this
Linking Words
 is, in fact, a good deed that significantly improves the lives of
beggars
Use synonyms
. Many believe that they are good
people
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 and understand that they simply may have gotten unlucky in the past.
This
Linking Words
 comes from the perspective that we should be empathic toward
people
Use synonyms
 who are living through hardships. Others
also
Linking Words
 say that donating
money
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 to those on the streets is a virtuous act, as everyone deserves a second
chances
Correct the article-noun agreement
chance
show examples
 at life. Taking into account that most
beggars
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 asking for donations on the street are going through struggles or have had unfortunate events happen to them throughout their lives, I consider donating
money
Use synonyms
 to be a righteous deed. Life is full of unexpected obstacles;
thus
Linking Words
, helping those who may not have had the means to overcome them would hold great value to them. All in all, I think we could be more forgiving and that we shouldn’t be stingy about a little bit of
money
Use synonyms
 that could at least get them by for a day.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples to support your ideas. Use specific situations or stories that show how giving money changed a beggar's life for the better or the worse.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main point you want to discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has good flow, but adding transition words can help connect your ideas better. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'in conclusion' guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing style is clear and straightforward, making it easy for the reader to follow your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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