IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. Discuss both views.

Some people think that humans should be responsible for their own health,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 suggest that the state should make sure that citizens are healthy. I believe that one should look after themselves rather than expecting support from the government. On one hand, there are individuals who seek help from the state when they are ill and at that time government should step in but expecting it in daily life can have a very bad influence on themselves
as well as
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 on the people who are with them in the surrounding. one will stop looking after themselves as they will be in continuous involvement from
others
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, a study conducted in the UK, that care workers are needed more as they get retired and stop living an independent life as time goes on.
However
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, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Involvement from carers can affect one’s lifestyle and it will eventually be the reason for their ill health.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
others
Use synonyms
 who will look after themselves, evolve physically, mentally spiritually and have a healthy life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they follow their routine, follow a good diet plan, and go for their health checkups regularly.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted in 2024 in Surat city, that people who meet their daily needs by looking after their own are having a very healthy and happy lifestyle and a 75% decrease in the disease. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is much better to look up for own self.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that taking good care of oneself is much better than expecting it from
others
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to make your main points clearer and more detailed. Use strong examples to support your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Use connecting words to link your ideas and make the essay easier to follow. This will improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is good for the introduction.
task achievement
You provide some examples to support your views, which helps strengthen your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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