IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

While some people consider global warming to be more pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment, others believe that deforestation has more devastating impacts on our worlds. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is widely believed that global warming is the most urgent environmental issue we face today,
while
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 others argue that
deforestation
Use synonyms
 has a more devastating impact on the planet. Whilst both issues are significant, people differ in how they prioritise them.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and explain why I believe
deforestation
Use synonyms
 poses a more immediate
threat
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. Beyond any doubt, global warming has triggered a series of environmental chain reactions,
such
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 as rising sea levels, melting ice caps, and more frequent extreme weather events.
For instance
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, scientists have warned governments to take proactive measures to mitigate the situation early on by limiting carbon emissions and slowing the warming process.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to act urgently when there is still time to change the outcome for our planet.
Although
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 its impact is undeniable, I believe
deforestation
Use synonyms
 presents a more direct and long-term
threat
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 to global stability.
On the other hand
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,
deforestation
Use synonyms
 poses a direct
threat
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 to air quality, biodiversity, and the health of ecosystems.
For example
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, the large-scale uprooting of trees results in animal displacement, increased air pollution, and species extinction.
Further
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, It is especially alarming because trees take years to fully grow and provide essential benefits to their surroundings, including carbon absorption and soil protection. As
deforestation
Use synonyms
 continues at an accelerating rate, it causes severe and often irreversible environmental damage. In brief, it is deeply concerning to witness the rapid expansion of the issue without effective global action to confront the crisis.
To sum up
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, both global warming and
deforestation
Use synonyms
 are urgent environmental issues, but
deforestation
Use synonyms
 poses a greater and more immediate
threat
Use synonyms
. It not only contributes to climate change but
also
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 directly affects ecosystems, air quality, and biodiversity.
Therefore
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, it is essential to take effective action to address the growing dilemma before its consequences become irreversible.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. This will help readers understand your viewpoint right away.
coherence and cohesion
Add more linking words to improve flow between sentences. For example, use 'furthermore,' 'however,' or 'in addition' to connect ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph contrasts the two views clearly. This will help strengthen your argument and improve analysis.
task achievement
You clearly discussed both sides of the argument, showing a great understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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