IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era, there are many arguments about whether or not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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companies
Use synonyms
 should replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
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senior
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staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 who
over
Add a missing verb
are over
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 55
by
Change preposition
with
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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junior
Use synonyms
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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. The aforementioned perspective will be discussed in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal view in the conclusion. On the one hand, some individuals assume that
companies
Use synonyms
 should employ more young workers.
Everyear
Correct your spelling
Every year
Ever year
 there are thousands of fresh graduates that provide a huge labour resource with updated skills and knowledge. They bring
a
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apply
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fresh and young thinking to the
companies
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,
create
Correct word choice
and create
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active
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an active
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 work
enviroment
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environment
environments
 that
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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 their performance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the senior
Use synonyms
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 are
extreme
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extremely
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 experienced
that
Correct word choice
and
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 impaired in young generations, they need time and cost to be trained.
However
Linking Words
, the
aging
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ageing
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 workforce restricts the space for the younger
Use synonyms
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 to prove themself, and less chance to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 higher positions.
Thus
Linking Words
, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that reducing elder employees will help the
companies
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 to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
further
Linking Words
. In conclusion,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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 the older generations limit the development of the
companies
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 junior
Use synonyms
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 expand the growth. That's why,
the
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apply
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companies
Use synonyms
 should consider
to motivate
Change the verb form
motivating
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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seniors to retire.

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task achievement
Make sure your main ideas are clear and fully explained. Include specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This helps the essay flow smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Check your essay for spelling mistakes and grammar errors to make it clearer.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that outlines your view.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which shows critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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