IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

: Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them. Education and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that educational and vocational
programs
Use synonyms
 are more effective than imprisonment for dealing with
offenders
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay totally agrees with
this
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 initiative because training
programs
Use synonyms
 in prison can help
offenders
Use synonyms
 develop new
skills
Use synonyms
 and facilitate their rehabilitation, thereby reducing anti-social behaviour. Training
programs
Use synonyms
 in prisons help
offenders
Use synonyms
 develop new
skills
Use synonyms
 that increase their chances of finding a job after release. By learning
skills
Use synonyms
such
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 as computer programming, business or art,
offenders
Use synonyms
 gain practical
skills
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 that make them more employable.
For example
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, prisons that offer vocational training have seen lower reoffending rates because
offenders
Use synonyms
 are better prepared for the workforce.
Consequently
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, investing in these
programs
Use synonyms
 not only helps
offenders
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 benefits society. These
programs
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also
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 help
offenders
Use synonyms
 change their behaviour and fit back into society. When
offenders
Use synonyms
 get education and training, they are more likely to adopt positive habits and attitudes, which reduces their tendency to engage in anti-social behaviour.
This
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 transformation is crucial for their successful reintegration into the community.
For example
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, countries like Norway have shown that focusing on rehabilitation greatly reduces reoffending rates. When
offenders
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 feel they have a future and a place in society, they are less likely to return to crime.
This
Linking Words
 approach not only helps the
offenders
Use synonyms
 themselves but
also
Linking Words
 creates safer communities by reducing the
overall
Linking Words
 crime rate. In conclusion, providing educational and vocational
programs
Use synonyms
 in prisons is a more effective way to deal with
offenders
Use synonyms
 than imprisonment alone. these
programs
Use synonyms
 help
offenders
Use synonyms
 gain valuable
skills
Use synonyms
 and promote rehabilitation, ultimately leading to safer communities and lower rates of reoffending.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This helps the reader understand the main idea quickly.
task achievement
You could provide more specific examples to make your points stronger. Adding studies or statistics can help support your argument.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion and the reason behind it, setting a good foundation for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that restates your main points effectively, summarizing your argument well.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prison
  • criminals
  • effective
  • education
  • training
  • dealing
  • jobs
  • skills
  • change
  • behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • programs
  • repeat offenses
  • community
  • service
  • results
  • environment
  • harsh
  • focus
  • reduce
  • crime
What to do next:
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