IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many high level of positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than fifty percent female. compnies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Men
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 are occupying C-level
jobs
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 in different organizations,
while
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 the number of employed
women
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 in industrialized countries is almost higher than 50%.
However
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, Firms should be provided a specific proportion of high-level
positions
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 for ladies too. I completely agree to give
women
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 opportunities in these superior
positions
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as well as
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men
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 . I shall put forth my arguments to support my views in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, participating ladies in various kinds of
positions
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as well as
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men
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 are benefiting the economy.
In other words
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, these executive
positions
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 are attributed to their high salaries compared to other job opportunities.
In addition
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, females are involved as a part in raising their income with their families
due to
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 economic challenges which whole people are facing,
such
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 as increasing inflation rates.
For example
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, a woman ,who gets married, is assisting her husband in providing and buying for her family basic needs like shelter, education for their children and food. Another point to consider is that participating
women
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 in executive
jobs
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 is important for their individual choice. For more explanations, ladies should have the freedom to pursue their career path based on their interests . females have ongoing improvements in academic abilities and interpersonal skills like leadership skills that recently are being competed with
men
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 by different employers.
For instance
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,
women
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 are employed in different diplomatic and political
positions
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such
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 as the vice president of the president of the United States. In conclusion, various
of
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apply
show examples
positions
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 are occupied by males.
Whereas
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, a large number of companies need to specify and allocate a percentage of these
jobs
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 for
women
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.
On the other hand
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, I strongly believe that organizations should give opportunities to
women
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 in these high
jobs
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due to
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 their developed skills and abilities they have in comparison to
men
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.

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coherence cohesion
You should structure your essay clearly with distinct paragraphs, each with a clear main idea and supporting details. Connect your paragraphs and ideas using appropriate linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are concise and mirror each other, clearly stating your position and summarizing your main points. It's also important to write a coherent conclusion that aligns with the content of the essay body.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with specific details and examples. Your examples should be relevant and clearly linked to your main points to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Respond directly to all parts of the task, ensuring that your position is clear throughout the essay. Make sure to include a balanced argument if required, but also express your viewpoint consistently and clearly.
task achievement
Elaborate on your ideas and viewpoints with comprehensive explanations and utilize specific examples that are directly relevant to the task and your argument. The use of more precise examples can greatly strengthen your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender parity
  • Inclusive workforce
  • Corporate governance
  • Glass ceiling
  • Equal opportunity
  • Progressive policies
  • Workforce diversity
  • Merit-based promotion
  • Affirmative action
  • Empowerment
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