IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries people who visit art galleries are reducing. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be solved?

There has been a drastic drop in the
abundence
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abundance
 of individuals that visit
art
Use synonyms
 galleries in a number of countries.
Art
Use synonyms
 galleries are a
sactonary
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sanctuary
stationary
 for artists to voice out their stories in the form of
swipe
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a swipe
the swipe
show examples
 of a brush,
molding
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moulding
show examples
 of a piece and so on.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the root of
this
Linking Words
 conflict and how to counter it.
Firslty
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Firstly
, the core
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue arises from the change of age and the
advancments
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advances
 modern society has achieved. We are living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new world where
advancments
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advancements
advances
 are happening by the second and no one seems to be able to catch up.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Artifical intelligance
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artificial intelligence
as well as
Linking Words
programed
Correct your spelling
programmed
show examples
 drawing applications replace the job of
artisits
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artists
 by providing different forms of
art
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as digital
art
Use synonyms
, mimicking
tradtional
Correct your spelling
traditional
 paintings, and even sculpting advanced structures.
Artisits
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Artists
 no longer are
seeked
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sought
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital media is
convienet
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convenient
 and accessible at
anytime
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any time
show examples
 right from the comfort of
ones
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one's
show examples
 home.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in order to refuel the
art
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 industry
art
Use synonyms
 centres must be a step smarter by providing a
multi sense
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multi-sense
show examples
 experience.
Hence
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,
art
Use synonyms
 galleries must be reconstructed to offer services technology
cant
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can't
show examples
 replicate,
this
Linking Words
 can be done by making the presented
art
Use synonyms
engagment
Correct your spelling
engagement
- friendly. Involving clients includes offering classes, spotting easter eggs in paintings,
meeting
Correct word choice
and meeting
show examples
 artists for
geniune
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genuine
 human
intercations
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interactions
interaction
 built on the goal of supporting each contributing member
in
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of
show examples
 a community. In conclusion,
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 in a population must always support
eachother
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each other
 because only
then
Linking Words
 can a society grow. Through respecting the value of human
art
Use synonyms
 and connecting with it a person can grow both
creativily
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creatively
creativity
 and
emotional
Change the word
emotionally
show examples
 in the sense of human support. Technology should not be a barrier that repels humans from one another.

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language
Work on your spelling to make your writing clearer. Check for errors like 'artifical' instead of 'artificial' and 'advancments' instead of 'advancements'.
cohesion
Try to use transitional words to link your ideas better. Words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' are useful, but you can add others to help the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of saying 'art centres must be smarter', give a clear example of what an art centre can do to attract visitors. This makes your argument stronger.
structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, main points, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
content
You touch on important issues like technology and its impact on art, which is relevant and interesting.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital era
  • online galleries
  • allure
  • economic factors
  • cultural pursuits
  • societal interests
  • innovative
  • engaging exhibitions
  • virtual reality (VR) experiences
  • accessible
  • contemporary
  • promote
  • art education
  • awareness
  • foster
  • appreciation
What to do next:
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