IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that advertisements have a negative impact on individuals and should be strictly regulated. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Since the early 2000s,
advertisements
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 have become significantly widespread. It is widely believed that
advertisements
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 do not have any impact, and some of them affect individuals badly.
Moreover
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, societies contend that strict regulation should be enforced to eliminate their side effects. I totally disagree with
this
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 opinion, some kinds of adverts are even beneficial for
people
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,
such
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 as health-themed adverts.
To begin
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 with, recently, technology has gained prominence in terms of
ads
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. The
advertisements
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 have essential messages in favour of awareness. Several charities collaborate with governments to raise public awareness through
ads
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. In today's world, telecommunication systems and technological infrastructure help to encourage communities to get rid of some bad addictions,
such
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 as smoking and alcohol.
Furthermore
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, these
ads
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 show
people
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 how to quit these addictions in an effective way by using some filters and demonstrating ramifications.
In addition
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, some local shops benefit from
ads
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 on social media to make a profit and gain popularity. Social platforms
such
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 as Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok play a crucial role in individuals' lives.
For instance
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, some Instagram accounts have more than a million followers. They influence
people
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 to follow other accounts that they advertise.
Moreover
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, a new occupation has been announced which is named 'influencer'.
This
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 occupation influences
people
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 to purchase something or follow other accounts for a fee. Specifically, social media adverts have become their financial resources. In conclusion, even though some individuals support that bans or limitations are essential to undermine
advertisements
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' detrimental effects, I strongly believe that a balanced approach is required.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your main points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about advertisements being beneficial in some cases, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Your structure is generally clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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