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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that getting the degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into the work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #university #guarantee #job #work
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People have different views about what are the significant measures that guarantee getting a
job
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.
While
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 some argue that going straight into the workplace is a way, I agree with those who believe that getting a higher education is more important. On the one hand, I accept that gaining work experience directly after high school may offer practical skills in the workplace. People will directly understand how the work environment can be highly valued by employers.
Moreover
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, entering the workforce immediately can provide financial independence earlier. They tend to choose to find a
job
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first,
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earning some money to fulfil their basic needs and prepare for the
university
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 tuition fees.
Thus
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, they can enter higher education in order to get a higher salary along the way.
On the other hand
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, there are some specific reasons why getting a degree can guarantee a good
job
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.
Firstly
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,
university
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 graduates often have better
job
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 prospects
as well as
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 higher earning potential over their lifetimes. They have earned skillsets that companies need from their learning process on campus, and many employers value formal education and credentials. From my perspective, attending
university
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 may
also
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 offer networking opportunities. Some universities often provide impactful facilities
such
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 as capstone projects and internship initiatives which give a chance for students to interact and collaborate with others.
As a result
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, it can be beneficial for career advancement and finding
job
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 opportunities. In conclusion, choosing to get a
job
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 immediately is a good idea for some reasons, but I think that earning a
university
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 degree is a fundamental measure to achieving better career advancements.
Submitted by mohamadazhariazar on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and gives your opinion clearly. However, you could enhance it by including a few more detailed examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to explicitly state your opinion towards the end of the introduction. This will make it clear to the reader what your stance is from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize your points.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are logical and well-reasoned, making it easy to follow your train of thought.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both viewpoints and provided a balanced perspective in your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • specialized fields
  • job prospects
  • earning potential
  • formal education
  • networking opportunities
  • career advancement
  • practical skills
  • work environment
  • financial independence
  • high costs
  • skills and experience
  • formal education
  • prioritize
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