IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give criminals longer prison sentences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that imposing longer prison sentences is the most effective measure to combat
crime
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.
However
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, I firmly disagree with
this
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 view because I believe that addressing the root causes of
crime
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,
such
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 as lack of
education
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 and poverty, is a far more fundamental and sustainable solution.
Firstly
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, investing in
education
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 is a powerful long-term strategy to prevent
crime
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 by fostering moral and social development. A diverse
education
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 makes younger people encounter more various views, allowing them to understand and respect differences.
This
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 process cultivates empathy, thereby helping them understand the harmfulness of committing a
crime
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. It is almost impossible for a person who owns empathy to injure other people, a fact that fundamentally reduces the tendency towards criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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.
Secondly
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, tackling poverty and improving social welfare can directly reduce
crime
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 rates by eliminating the desperation that often drives illegal activities. People who are struggling to survive may be forced to commit a
crime
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. Stronger social security can provide key support, allowing them to reduce survival pressure and providing a sense of safety, which reduces the motivation to commit a
crime
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 in order to survive. In conclusion,
while
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 longer jail terms might serve as a temporary deterrent, I contend that a truly effective and lasting approach to
crime
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 reduction lies not in punishment, but in prevention through
education
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 and the creation of a more equitable society.`

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more examples to support your points. You could include statistics or real-life examples.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more to improve readability.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitions between ideas to guide the reader better. For example, use phrases like 'in addition' or 'furthermore.'
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, which is great for setting the reader's expectations.
coherence and cohesion
You provide clear reasons for your stance, which helps create a logical flow in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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