IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behavior and protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extend do you agree?

There has been a growing perception that
while
Linking Words
 guardians strictly regulate
children
Use synonyms
 with
rules
Use synonyms
 to prevent possible dangers and foster standard behaviours, the
children
Use synonyms
 would far more benefit from freedom. The author firmly agrees
due to
Linking Words
 encouraging
children
Use synonyms
's full potential despite feasible risks of social ills. On one hand, less strict regulations may empower
children
Use synonyms
 to explore their true potential.
In other words
Linking Words
, offering more freedom for
children
Use synonyms
 would help them gain self-confidence and self-reliance which would encourage the
children
Use synonyms
 to conduct
further
Linking Words
 research about themselves in order to obtain deep insights into their true capabilities, qualities and manners.
As a result
Linking Words
, young individuals may have access to a broader pool of opportunities that helps them sharpen their minds
as well as
Linking Words
 upgrade their skills so that they can achieve more outstanding success than they expected.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, objectors contend that applying fewer
rules
Use synonyms
 is risky owing to
Correct article usage
the possibilities
show examples
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
 of social evils. To clarify,
children
Use synonyms
 nowadays can fall into social ills which worsen and degrade their morality and behaviours, so numerous
rules
Use synonyms
 should be maintained to hinder the risks from young people.
Conversely
Linking Words
, if the
children
Use synonyms
 are overprotected by these
rules
Use synonyms
, they will be less inexperienced in dealing with social issues.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they might be confided to develop their personal growth and pursue their goals. In conclusion, I strongly agree because freedom drives
children
Use synonyms
 to achieve their goals regardless of possible risks of social evils. Ultimately, despite the fact that strict regulations play a key role in fostering
children
Use synonyms
's appreciated behaviours, it may lead to overparenting which limits the potential of the
children
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly introduces one main idea and supports it with specific details.
task achievement
Use clear examples from everyday life to illustrate your points and make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check your sentences for clarity; some ideas could be expressed more clearly.
task achievement
Try to balance your paragraphs; make sure that both sides of the argument are discussed evenly.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and make strong arguments for freedom for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your structure includes an introduction and conclusion, which is good for organization.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: