Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behavior and protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extend do you agree?

There has been a growing perception that
while
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guardians strictly regulate
children
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with
rules
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to prevent possible dangers and foster standard behaviours, the
children
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would far more benefit from freedom. The author firmly agrees
due to
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encouraging
children
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's full potential despite feasible risks of social ills. On one hand, less strict regulations may empower
children
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to explore their true potential.
In other words
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, offering more freedom for
children
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would help them gain self-confidence and self-reliance which would encourage the
children
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to conduct
further
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research about themselves in order to obtain deep insights into their true capabilities, qualities and manners.
As a result
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, young individuals may have access to a broader pool of opportunities that helps them sharpen their minds
as well as
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upgrade their skills so that they can achieve more outstanding success than they expected.
On the other hand
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, objectors contend that applying fewer
rules
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is risky owing to
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the possibilities
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possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
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of social evils. To clarify,
children
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nowadays can fall into social ills which worsen and degrade their morality and behaviours, so numerous
rules
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should be maintained to hinder the risks from young people.
Conversely
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, if the
children
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are overprotected by these
rules
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, they will be less inexperienced in dealing with social issues.
Moreover
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, they might be confided to develop their personal growth and pursue their goals. In conclusion, I strongly agree because freedom drives
children
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to achieve their goals regardless of possible risks of social evils. Ultimately, despite the fact that strict regulations play a key role in fostering
children
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's appreciated behaviours, it may lead to overparenting which limits the potential of the
children
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly introduces one main idea and supports it with specific details.
task achievement
Use clear examples from everyday life to illustrate your points and make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check your sentences for clarity; some ideas could be expressed more clearly.
task achievement
Try to balance your paragraphs; make sure that both sides of the argument are discussed evenly.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and make strong arguments for freedom for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your structure includes an introduction and conclusion, which is good for organization.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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