IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #percent #percentage #women
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It is often argued that companies should reserve a specific percentage of high-level
roles
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 for
women
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, especially since females make up more than half of the workforce in many developed countries.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 idea because
women
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 are equally capable of excelling in
leadership
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roles
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 and often outperform men academically. Creating opportunities for
women
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 in executive
positions
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 not only promotes fairness but
also
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 enhances organizational success. To start,
women
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’s academic achievements often exceed those of men in various fields, making them highly qualified for senior
positions
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.
For example
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, in the United Kingdom,
women
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 recently surpassed men in law degree results, a discipline historically dominated by males.
Additionally
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,
women
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 have made significant strides in other areas
such
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 as medicine, engineering, and business. It is unjust to deny them access to
leadership
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roles
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 when their abilities and credentials are evident. By excluding talented
women
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 from executive
positions
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, companies risk underutilizing a valuable segment of the workforce and limiting their potential for growth.
Furthermore
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, gender diversity in
leadership
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 brings significant advantages to organizations. Research indicates that companies with more
women
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 in senior
roles
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 are more innovative and make better decisions.
This
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 diversity
also
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 fosters a more inclusive and collaborative workplace environment.
For instance
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, businesses with balanced
leadership
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 teams often enjoy higher profitability, better employee retention, and a positive public image. Allocating a fair share of
leadership
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roles
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 to
women
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 is not only a step toward equity but
also
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 a strategic move for long-term success. In conclusion, offering
women
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 equal access to high-level
positions
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 is crucial as they are equally competent and often excel academically. Their inclusion in
leadership
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 enhances innovation, promotes fairness, and benefits organizations as a whole. Addressing gender imbalances is essential for achieving a more equitable and prosperous society.
Submitted by aaljanini on

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task achievement
Be sure to provide even more diverse examples and insights from different fields outside of law for a more comprehensive argument.
task achievement
Ensure further clarity by briefly addressing potential counterarguments, enhancing the essay's completeness.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear and compelling introduction that effectively outlines the main argument and purpose.
logical structure
The coherent structure of the essay facilitates easy navigation through arguments, supported by clear topic sentences.
supported main points
The essay successfully integrates specific examples, such as women surpassing men in law degree results, to substantiate main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender disparity
  • glass ceiling
  • workforce representation
  • gender diversity
  • equal opportunity
  • professional advancement
  • social equality
  • gender equality
  • empowerment
  • barrier
  • discrimination
  • inequality
  • bias
  • reinforce
  • inclusive
  • combat
  • strive for
  • promote
  • nurture
  • enhance
  • progressive
  • implement
  • quota system
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