(07/11/2015) Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?13

In recent years, after graduating from high

school

Use synonyms

, many young

people

Use synonyms

wonder

Wrong verb form

wondered

show examples

whether they should keep on with their education

further

Linking Words

or not, or whether they should enter the workforce immediately.

While

Linking Words

a large number of

people

Use synonyms

believe that continuing on to university or college is the best way to guarantee a successful career, others argue that working right after graduation is a better option that offers more practical benefits. On the one hand, it is

also

Linking Words

common knowledge that entering employment straight after high

school

Use synonyms

can bring about a range of advantages.

Firstly

Linking Words

, young

people

Use synonyms

who choose

this

Linking Words

path have the opportunity to earn money at an earlier stage, and because they are often mature enough, they are able to become independent and support themselves with their own income.

This

Linking Words

early exposure to the working world not only helps them cover their living expenses

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

enables them to develop a sense of responsibility.

Secondly

Linking Words

, those who opt for immediate employment tend to progress rapidly in their chosen profession, as they can accumulate practical experience and workplace skills from a younger age, which is what many employers find valuable when promoting staff.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are several convincing reasons why many students are well advised to continue their studies after high

school

Use synonyms

. A university or college education equips young

people

Use synonyms

with advanced knowledge and qualifications that are essential for chasing the top jobs in today’s increasingly competitive job market. Candidates who hold a degree usually have a significant advantage over those who do not, since hundreds of applicants often compete for the same desirable positions.

For example

Linking Words

, in Vietnam, graduates with engineering degrees are not only highly paid but

also

Linking Words

more likely to secure stable and well-respected jobs. In conclusion, both working straight after high

school

Use synonyms

and continuing with higher education can offer distinct advantages depending on the individual’s personal circumstances and career goals.

Therefore

Linking Words

, young

people

Use synonyms

should carefully evaluate their options to decide which is the go-to choice for students to ensure future success.

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Jul 2, 2025

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task achievement

Try to provide a more direct answer to the question in your introduction and conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer linking words to help the flow between your ideas and paragraphs.

task achievement

Add more specific and relevant examples to support your main points.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a good structure with clear introduction and conclusion.

task achievement

You provide relevant examples that are directly related to your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

338 words

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Topic ideas & vocabulary
Expand your ideas and use the right words.

Topic Vocabulary:

diligence
consistent effort
inherent talent
honing skills
external factors
upbringing
social connections
economic background
right place at the right time
contributing factor
conjunction
success
achievements
endeavors
fortune
serendipity
determinants
efficacy

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(07/11/2015) Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?13

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does the shortage of fresh water cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?

Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Some believe that living in an apartment are advantageous, but other argue it in contrast. Discuss both views.