IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been a growing perception that it is unreasonable to invest in
technology
Use synonyms
 for exploring
space
Use synonyms
 and there are more advantageous things to fund. The author firmly disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 view
due to
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 potential resources despite temporary benefits from other areas. On one hand, the breakthroughs in
technology
Use synonyms
 may help humanity
gains
Correct subject-verb agreement
gain
show examples
 new relevant resources.
In other words
Linking Words
, if scientists succeed in revolutionizing and innovating techniques or methods that are fundamental for
space
Use synonyms
 exploration, people will approach numerous valuable raw materials from other planets which are used for developing and upgrading
infrastructures
Correct article usage
the infrastructures
show examples
 of societies.
For instance
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, with
such
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 resources,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 can construct more cutting-edge buildings and broader roads.
As a result
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, the whole communities would experience many profound revolutions that foster their multidisciplinary advancements.
On the other hand
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, concentration on other social aspects may offer immediate merit for individuals’ lives. To clarify, governments’
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
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 for developing
space
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 are considered to be expensive and impractical, so that amount of money should be paid for other sorts of investments which are related to dealing with social issues -
such
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 as homelessness or unemployment - and reinforcing social security.
However
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,
while
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 the proponents focus on the safety and stability of the societies, they ignore the fact that achievements in
space
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 may help them estimate and combat the risks from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outer
space
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,
steriods
Correct your spelling
steroids
for example
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,
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 far more detrimental than the familiar social problems. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion
due to
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 the possible materials from other planets that humanity may benefit from with advanced
technology
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. Eventually,
albeit
Change preposition
although
show examples
 investing money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other fields of
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
 may help
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 overcome some tricky problems and dangers, enhancement in
space
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 may hinder the greater ones.

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task response
Make your introduction clearer by stating your opinion more directly and summarizing your main points. This will help the reader understand your position from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simpler and clearer sentences. This will improve your logical structure and make your ideas easier to follow.
task response
In your main points, ensure that you provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help support your ideas better.
task response
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion well and ties back to your main argument.
task response
You have made a good effort to discuss both sides of the argument, showing that you understand the complexity of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • justified expenditure
  • technological advances
  • earthly concerns
  • telecommunications
  • environmental conservation
  • inspire innovation
  • diplomatic relationships
  • peaceful cooperation
  • long-term survival
  • colonization
  • commercial ventures
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