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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that parents are the most important influence on a child’s development. Others believe that teachers play a more significant role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a debate about whether
parents
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 or
teachers
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 have a greater impact on a child’s growth and
development
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. In my opinion, I believe
parents
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 have more
influence
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 on a child's
development
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 than
teachers
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, as they are considered to be the first role models a child has ever known.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 spend a long
time
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 with their
children
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, especially at an early age. It is argued by some people that
parents
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 have a significant
influence
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 on their
children
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's
development
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, as they create special bonds with their
parents
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 at a young age and begin to consider their
parents
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 as role models for them.
Moreover
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,
children
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 tend to be with their
parents
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 most of the
time
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due to
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 that they start to notice their behaviour and habits and act like them.
For example
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, If a boy sees his
parents
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 always helping neighbours and the homeless, he will shape his values about helping others.
Therefore
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,
children
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's
parents
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 have a strong
influence
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 in shaping their
children
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's values, behaviour, and morals.
However
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, others argue that
teachers
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 are the ones who play a more important part in a child's
development
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 because they are trained to teach and develop both academic and social skills.
Furthermore
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,
teachers
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 may become role models, especially if
parents
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 are busy or absent.
For instance
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,
many
Change preposition
for many
show examples
children
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 their
parents
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 are busy working two jobs to secure them financially and they do not spend much
time
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 with their
children
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,
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
 becomes their best chance for
such
Linking Words
development
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. Despite that,
parents
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 are a better
influence
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 than
teachers
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, as
teachers
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 cannot effectively focus on many
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe
parents
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 can
influence
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 their
children
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 in a way no one could do because
children
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 have a special bond with their
parents
Use synonyms
 and they spend most of the
time
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 with them they tend to copy their
parents
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' behaviour.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states both views before giving your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use linking words to connect your ideas better and make your essay flow more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that you have clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader's understanding.
Task Achievement
Your examples of how parents influence children's values are strong and relevant.
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