IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefit of this mobility out weight the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Although
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 advancements in
technology
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 offer a variety of benefits and drawbacks, one notable change is the ability to
work
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 from anywhere, which eliminates the need to attend a physical workplace.
This
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 shift presents both positive and negative consequences, which are discussed in the following paragraphs with suitable explanations and examples. Personally, I am in favour of the advantages offered by
information
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technology
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.
To begin
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 with, one of the most significant benefits of
information
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technology
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 is its ability to save
time
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 and reduce costs.
For instance
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, traditional workplaces require employees to spend
time
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 commuting and to wear specific uniforms.
However
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, when working from home, individuals can avoid early morning routines, travel expenses, and the cost of
work
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 attire.
Additionally
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, the
time
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 saved from commuting allows people to spend more quality
time
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 with their families, which strengthens family bonds and creates lasting memories.
As a result
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, individuals not only gain financially but
also
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 improve their mental and emotional well-being.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, many companies shifted to remote
work
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.
According to
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 research conducted by the Guru Nanak Institute, relationships between parents and children improved
due to
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 increased family
time
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.
On the other hand
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, one notable disadvantage of remote
work
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 is the potential loss of focus and lack of immediate support. Certain projects involve confidential
information
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 and require full attention and strict data security. Working outside the office environment may increase the risk of data breaches and distractions, which can lead to serious errors.
For instance
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, an article published in Ajit newspaper reported a case in which the leakage of personal
information
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 from a company resulted in a person’s death. The company was held accountable and had to pay over 50,000 rupees in compensation to the victim’s family
due to
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this
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 negligence.
To conclude
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, despite some disadvantages, the advantages of
information
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technology
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 are more prominent and have a positive impact on individuals' lives. With careful attention and responsibility, the drawbacks can be managed effectively.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that the benefits of remote working outweigh its disadvantages.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain both the benefits and drawbacks in more detail. Try to expand on your ideas for balance.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to help the flow of your writing. This will make it easier for readers to follow your points.
task achievement
Include more examples to support your points, especially for the negatives, to give a clearer picture.
introduction
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, setting a good tone for the essay.
conclusion
You present a strong conclusion that sums up your thoughts well.
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