IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The portion of individuals who support the idea of sponsoring sports, convert to the way that famous players influence a huge portion of people, especially those who admire a team or a sports legend.
For instance
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, if Cristiano Ronaldo advertises a new drink saying that “it helps him recovering getting energy and strengthens his muscles” too many things make sense to believe him, especially for people who take him as their idol.
According to
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 many companies
such
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 as Nike and Adidas, when they started making contracts with famous players like Messi and Neymar Ets, they documented huge profits outweighing the money they had to pay to them. In 2018 Nike reported a significant increase in their sales when they started a partnership with Real Madrid. Their seals went up from 13 million stock per year to 26 million a year.
Additionally
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, their shares rose sharply from 46% to 78% in 2022. Others think that there is a disadvantage to
this
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 way of marketing , they may look from an emotional look that people who love someone and believe everything he/she says, are being deceived and have taken advantage of them, and
that is
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 immortal. From my perspective, I firmly believe that
this
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 is one of the best ways to market something , which is to give it to someone worldwide beloved and has numerous followers. the disadvantages of
this
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 depend on the person and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 morals and behaviours.
Moreover
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, these influencers are definitely afraid about their repetition so they wouldn’t advertise for something bad or has a sheep quality.
Consequently
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, I think it’s an excellent choice to introduce a product to the market.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the organization of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and you should connect your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to write a clear introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should outline what you will discuss, and your conclusion should summarize your opinion.
task achievement
Use more varied examples to support your points. While you have some good examples, providing a few more would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your use of real-world examples, like Nike and Cristiano Ronaldo, is strong and adds credibility to your argument.
task achievement
You show a clear opinion throughout your essay, which is important for a task like this.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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