IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Studies show that many criminals do not receive enough education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate them rather than punish them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days, most of
factors
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the factors
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 of the
criminals
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 refer to not enough
education
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. There are opposite views
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to reduce crime including both educating them and punishing them. I agree educating is the better
way
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 to decline
criminals
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 rather than punish them.
Education
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 is a powerful
way
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 to prevent many crimes. Most
of
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apply
show examples
teenagers
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 grow up with
Use synonyms
education
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an education
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 that has a great impact on their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. They usually hear and see the news about
criminals
Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
intentional
Add an article
an intentional
the intentional
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 issue. It can make the image of power and strong things to the
teenagers
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. In order to prevent making a huge impact on
teenagers
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,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 have to educate the negative parts of
criminals
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. It is likely to have a
less
Correct word choice
lower
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 cost than
punish
Replace the word
punishment
show examples
. Punishing something,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can make
teenagers
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 think that the criminal
people
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more
Correct your spelling
are
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 stronger.
Educationg
Correct your spelling
Educating
 the criminal
people
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 can prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
criminals
Use synonyms
. Studies say that many
criminals
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 do not receive enough
education
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. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 use the
way
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 to punishment,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can think
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 not enough
education
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people
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 think it is
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
okay.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can make the other
criminals
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. It tends to increase the rate of
criminals
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due to
Linking Words
 thinking
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the situation cannot become better if it
uses
Wrong verb form
is used
show examples
 to punish them. If it is only
educationg
Correct your spelling
education
educating
instead
Linking Words
 of punishing them, it can decline the rate of the
criminals
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
education
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better
way
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 to reduce crime compared to punish
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
. There are two reasons,
education
Use synonyms
 can prevent many crimes before using the school
education
Use synonyms
 and can prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
criminals
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Improve your introduction to clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples. This will help your writing stay focused.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling and grammar to improve the flow of your writing. Small mistakes can distract readers from your ideas.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion that education is important for reducing crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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