IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

In the 21st century, there are numerous
museums
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 that require a certain amount of payment before going in,
while
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 other places have no charge. Regarding
this
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 matter, I believe that charging
people
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 for admission to
museums
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 will lessen the number of
visitors
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,
while
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museums
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 with free admissions will encourage a lot of
people
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 to visit the museum and learn about the different histories. A museum is a place where
people
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 must visit freely to educate themselves of the diverse historical remains left by our ancestors centuries ago. By having a detailed view of the items,
people
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 will learn detailed information and understand different events that happened in the world before.
Moreover
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, when the
museums
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 don't charge the
visitors
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,
people
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 will gather in the museum more often and freely discover new information about our history.
On the other hand
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, when
museums
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 require entrance fees from the
visitors
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, the popularity of
museums
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 will surely degrade which may lead
visitors
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 to have no interest in learning the history or the past lives of our ancestors.
For example
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, as there is an increasing usage of the internet and social media in the world,
people
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 tend to search for different information using their mobile phones, rather than visiting the
museums
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 or libraries personally, which not only impacts our society but
also
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 the future generations.
Therefore
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, in conclusion, I believe that
museums
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 must stop asking for charges and open the whole venue for everyone to visit and learn history freely.

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coherence
Make sure each paragraph has clear topic sentences that summarize the main point of that paragraph.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your main ideas. This will make your argument stronger.
coherence
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Using linking words will help your writing flow better.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is important in essay writing.
coherence
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to organize your thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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