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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think most crime is the result of circumstances e.g.poverty and other social problems.Others believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

With the development of the economy and society,
crime
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 has become a public concern. Some
people
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 believe that social
problems
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such
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 as
poverty
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 and inequality cause
crime
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,
while
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 others suppose the main reason for
crime
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 is personal issues, as some
people
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 are naturally bad.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and give my own views. One of the strongest reasons why
people
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 think social
problems
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 cause
crime
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 is the poor living conditions. Unemployment and inequality in development may lead to
poverty
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.
People
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 who are suffering from
poverty
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 may not only be unable to afford housing, food and other necessities
,
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apply
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 but may
also
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 hard to get a good job, because many
people
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 living below the
poverty
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 rate may have health
problems
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. In these circumstances, if they cannot earn money through legal means, they are likely to commit crimes
such
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 as robbery or drug dealing.
Additionally
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, a government that cannot provide enough social welfare may see a higher
crime
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 rate, when
people
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 face unemployment or
poverty
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, if the government can help them overcome difficulties they may not turn to illegal ways of survival.
Besides
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 social
problems
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, some personal characteristics may lead someone to become a criminal. A person who grows up in a poor family can still be successful,
while
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 a rich person may commit a
crime
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 because of selfishness, violence, or bad temper. It is true that some
people
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 are bad by nature. At an early age, they may harm animals just for fun. If these children are not educated properly at home or in schools, their dangerous personalities may lead them to commit crimes in the future. In my opinion,
although
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 a bad personality may be one cause of
crime
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, governments play a more important role in reducing
crime
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 rates. Because personality can be changed through education, and
people
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 are capable of improvement.
However
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, if they face some difficulties that cannot overcome by themselves,
crime
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 may become the only way to survive.
Therefore
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, governments should provide a practical social welfare system to help residents build a sense of security, only in
this
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 way can society achieve long-term development.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples to support your points. For instance, give specific examples of social programs that help reduce crime.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea clearly. This will make your argument easier for the reader to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your sentence structures to make them more varied and engaging.
content
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing your views well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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