IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Despite the belief held by some that the ancient constructions and
homes
Use synonyms
 in the cities have to be changed with modern
buildings
Use synonyms
,others claim these constructions have to be refurbished in order to protect them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will delve into the details of the given topic
in addition
Linking Words
 to my opinion will be elaborated on with some corporations in order to justify my point of view.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, nowadays, some old
buildings
Use synonyms
 have to be replaced with modern
buildings
Use synonyms
. On account of the fees of refurbishment that regard the old
buildings
Use synonyms
 is very high not only
this
Linking Words
 but
also
Linking Words
 higher than the cost of new
buildings
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is not worthy to revitalise the ancient constructions. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, take my country as a clear example (Egypt), so many residential
houses
Use synonyms
 are not valid to reside in because of weak infrastructure.
Therefore
Linking Words
, what the government did was erase all the old apartments in a procedure to meet public needs. Regarding another view, some claim it's not justified to replace the old
buildings
Use synonyms
 with modern ones. It would be better to maintain them. On account of some who prefer to live in old
homes
Use synonyms
 and can not get
along with
Linking Words
 the new
homes
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have so many memories of these
buildings
Use synonyms
 with their old families and ancestors.So, they have emotionally embraced their old
homes
Use synonyms
.In spite of these facts, I am included to think neither. Owing to the modern ways of construction, the new structures are eco-friendly.What is more, these kinds of
houses
Use synonyms
 depend on sustainable sources of energy like solar power.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in the near future, we will be able to tackle individual footprint dilemmas that are in the majority.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, our atmosphere will be healthy .
Hence
Linking Words
, these arguments collectively convince me that it's clarified to change the ancient
houses
Use synonyms
 with the new ones. In a nutshell, after a thorough analysis of the given topic,it is predicted that it would be better to remove the old
houses
Use synonyms
 in order to save our environment
as well as
Linking Words
 the fees of refurbishment .
Accordingly
Linking Words
, I believe in
this
Linking Words
 because of the given clarifications. Others do not agree with
this
Linking Words
, though

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, the logical progression of ideas could be clearer. The use of cohesive devices and paragraphing can be improved to create a better flow and to highlight the main points more effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion, which is positive. Yet the completeness of your response could be enhanced by developing further the given arguments. In addition, ensure that all parts of the prompt are equally discussed to maintain balance and comprehensiveness in your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • paramount
  • evolutionary journey
  • tangible link
  • fostering
  • sense of belonging
  • architectural beauty
  • economic benefit
  • tourist attractions
  • preservation techniques
  • structural integrity
  • energy-efficient
  • sustainable architecture
  • cultural preservation
  • urban demands
  • contemporary lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: