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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some students choose to pursue their education in their home country, while others prefer to study abroad. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some
students
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 would rather
study
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 in their countries,
while
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 other
students
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 would like to
study
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 in foreign
naitions
Correct your spelling
nations
.
Although
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 studying in
one
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's
home
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country
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 is more affordable, I believe that there are more drawbacks because studying in
one
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's
home
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country
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 limits independence. On the
one
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 hand, the main reason
people
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 prefer to pursue their
education
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 in their own
country
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 is that it is more cost-effective.
Furthermore
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, Studying abroad is expensive and not many
people
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 can afford to pay the tuition fees, particularly
parents
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 who earn low incomes would rather their children stay back
home
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 to
study
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instead
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 of travelling overseas to pursue their careers.
For example
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, many Nigerian
students
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 are pursuing their careers in Nigeria
due to
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 the exorbitant fees of international Universities.
However
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, I believe that if anyone has the opportunity to
study
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 abroad he or she should take advantage of it in order to become less dependent on their
parents
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 and families.
On the other hand
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, a disadvantage that comes with not studying abroad leads to over-reliance on
parents
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 and families. An individual
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 is still living with his or her
parents
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while
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 attending university would not know what it is like to be an adult.
This
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 leads to
people
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 depending on their relatives for the basic needs of life which are food, shelter, accommodation, and clothing.
Additionally
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,
this
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 becomes burdensome and overwhelming to the affected
people
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.
For instance
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,
students
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 living with their uncles and aunties put so much financial pressure on them to cater for their needs because they are incapable of doing so by themselves. As
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as
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apply
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a result,
this
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 could lead to
such
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 family members and friends being frustrated. I am of the opinion that the onus is on young
people
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 at Universities to become responsible for themselves
instead
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 of totally depending on others. In conclusion, it is considered
by
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apply
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some to pursue their
education
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 at
home
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country
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 Universities,
while
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 others think travelling out for their
hugher
Correct your spelling
higher
education
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 is a much better option.
Although
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 staying back
home
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 in
one
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's
home
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 nation is more economical, I believe the negatives outnumber the positives because pursuing your
education
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 abroad prepares you for adulthood.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to your main point. This will help organize your ideas better.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your opinion. This will make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas for smoother reading.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction, which is great!
task achievement
You touched on both sides of the issue, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
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