IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problem if it is not managed correctly. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh it's drawbacks?

It is true that multiple
places
Use synonyms
 across the globe consider tourism as a main source of revenue.
However
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, if it is not managed appropriately, it can
also
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 lead to issues. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why in
such
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 circumstances the drawbacks of
this
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industry
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 are greater than its benefits. On the one hand, tourism brings a
lot
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 of money to the local budget. The presence of multiple attractions and leisure facilities in
tourist
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places
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 increases the number of holidaymakers significantly. Many of them, planning their holidays, pay a
lot
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 of attention to
such
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 details, like the pools, play areas for their offspring, or restaurants in hotels,
for example
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. They are ready to pay thousands of dollars for the best ones in order to receive the highest level of services and enjoy their time with their nearest and dearest.
In addition
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, the
tourist
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industry
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 provides a
lot
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 of new employment opportunities, which
also
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 develops the economies of the
tourist
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 areas,
as well as
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 increases the well-being of their population. Local citizens,
for instance
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, can take up positions
such
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 as the staff in hotels or tour guides. Reducing unemployment,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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helps improve the living standards of people.
However
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, the development of the
tourist
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industry
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 can be hazardous for the natural environment, if it is not regulated properly. Trying to catch the eye of hordes of tourists, with not enough restrictions, hotel owners may invade different natural
places
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, destroying their flora and fauna by the construction of new attractions in these habitats.
This
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, in turn, can cause the phenomenon when many species are on the verge of extinction.
Moreover
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, some of the foreigners do not respect the culture of the countries they arrive in. If there is not enough protection of cultural
places
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 or strict rules for
such
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 people, iconic historical structures, which are part and parcel of the heritage of these areas, might be damaged or even destroyed.
As a consequence
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, local authorities will have to spend a great amount of money in order to solve these problems, which is not always possible to do. In conclusion,
although
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 I understand that tourism can be a great source of revenue and a
lot
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 of
places
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 depend on
this
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industry
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, I take the view that, when it is not managed correctly, its drawbacks exceed its advantages.

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task achievement
Make sure to include specific examples to support your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are clearly linked to help the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Try to balance the discussion of benefits and drawbacks more evenly.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
content
The main ideas are relevant to the topic and understandable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable tourism
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • hospitality industry
  • tourist influx
  • cultural commodification
  • ecological footprint
  • economic diversification
  • carrying capacity
  • cultural sensitivity
  • destination marketing
  • travel advisories
  • visitor management
  • impact assessment
  • tourism revenues
  • authentic experience
  • visitor satisfaction
  • conservation efforts
  • seasonal fluctuation
  • social sustainability
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