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Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

These days, a myriad of people consider that one of the best methods of bringing individuals who have not only different ages but
also
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 various cultures is
music
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. I believe that
songs
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 have a power, which can merge the community immediately. As
music
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 is a good pastime activity and has political importance, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement. Today, almost all international occasions where the representatives of other nations participate commence with
this
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 country’s national
songs
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. In the past, each nation was distinguished via its local
music
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. In fact, during meetings with their opponents,
first,
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they organized special cultural shows including demonstrating
music
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 performances in order to ensure the strong bonds made between them. In the modern world, there are a plethora of
music
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 competitions to bring distinct cultures together.
For example
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, every year, Eurovision takes place, the song competition where more than 50 countries' representatives attend. There, a multitude of new friendships among these figures begin,
after
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this
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 occasion, they should perform together in the future.
According to
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 psychologists, children who spend at least one hour per day on leisure activities with their parents tend to demonstrate 30% higher performance during the exams.
However
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, today, generally, adults are not able to have a great time with their upbringings, since they have a rigorous schedule in the workplace
due to
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 the competitive environment in the twenty-first century. Encouragingly,
music
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 can solve
this
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 issue easily. For instance, families can organize some
music
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 nights, where they can discuss their
music
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 tastes and discover new genres of
songs
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. In
this
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 way, they can understand each other very well and get rid of
high stress
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high-stress
show examples
 levels. In conclusion, a multitude of individuals believe that
music
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 is able to bring people together, regardless of their cultural differences and ages. From my standpoint, listening to
songs
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 supports the community to have a common activity and recognize each other very well.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point that connects clearly to your main idea. This would help your essay flow better.
task achievement
Consider giving more specific examples or details to support your ideas. This can make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples such as Eurovision to support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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