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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

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Twenty years ago, most
people
Use synonyms
 needed only one job to feed their families or themselves.
However
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, things have changed in recent years and citizens need one or more jobs to support their families' living.
This
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 essay will explore the underlying factors contributing to
this
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 trend,
as well as
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 the benefits and drawbacks associated with juggling multiple careers. The main reason for
this
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 circumstance could be an increase in the cost of living. As a society develops, it possibly brings
inflation
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, and
inflation
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 leads to higher living costs.
As a consequence
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,
people
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 might not be able to afford their current living standards,
such
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 as rent costs.
For example
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,
according to
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 the news, the USA is facing
inflation
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 right now. Its
floks
Correct your spelling
folks
flocks
 find that they are struggling with their rents, because, in some areas, rents have become double the amount compared to the cost of renting a home a few years ago.
Consequently
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, in order to pay rent,
people
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 have to work
two
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 jobs at the same
time
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. There are benefits and drawbacks to working
two
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 careers at the same
time
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. A significant drawback would be that the public does not have enough personal
time
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.
For example
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, a person who works at a cafe from 8:00 am to 3:00 pm, and
this
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 person's second job starts at 5:00 pm at a restaurant and finishes at 9:00 pm. After a busy workday,
this
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 person might not have
time
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 to deal with his or her personal life because long working hours leave no energy left to cope with other things. Despite
this
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 drawback, one benefit of
two
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 careers could be earning more income.
Although
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 part of the population does not think that more money could be a benefit, the fact is that
people
Use synonyms
 need the money from working
two
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 jobs. In conclusion, even though multiple positions bring a higher income, it might not be a good way to have a comfortable life.
Additionally
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,
inflation
Use synonyms
 could make the working class have to work more to pay their rent.

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, addressing both the reasons behind the trend of people having multiple jobs and the advantages and disadvantages. However, some points could be elaborated further for a more comprehensive argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Try to use linking words to improve the flow of your argument and make connections clearer.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points of the essay, setting a clear context and providing a concise summary of the discussion.
task achievement
The identification of inflation as a cause for the need for multiple jobs is timely and relevant, showcasing an understanding of contemporary economic issues.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic stability
  • Multiple income streams
  • Gig economy
  • Freelance work
  • Contract work
  • Professional development
  • Financial security
  • Job market
  • Diversified income
  • Burnout
  • Skill set
  • Networking opportunities
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Time management
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