IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In contemporary online and large
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 have an edge over more small local shops, primarily
due to
Linking Words
 the saving cost of commodities for customers and labour costs for businesses. These issues lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 range of negative effects, including unfair discrimination within the local
market
Use synonyms
 and unemployment inclination. These issues can be addressed if the
government
Use synonyms
 enact sustainable rules related to
tax
Use synonyms
 payment. One of the potential issues caused by an edge over competition from
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 and online shopping is an injustice in the local
market
Use synonyms
. Having been chosen by a wide range of citizens in a community can act as a deterrent to small local shops selling their products, reducing their profits and contributing to the financial burden for local residents.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 propensity moves in tandem with the increase of unfair discrimination within the local
market
Use synonyms
, it is a precondition of social injustice. Another major problem is unemployment drift. Having reduced
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
job indecent as a way to save
business’s
Change noun form
business
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 costs, many general populace
runs
Correct subject-verb agreement
run
show examples
 up against jobless conditions,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon they are likely to face tremendous finance,yet, if
this
Linking Words
 problem became more serious, the
government
Use synonyms
 would encounter an increase of
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 illness.
As a result
Linking Words
, having been jobless, many people would phase out their property, which is vulnerable to the economy of the local area. To address these problems, the
government
Use synonyms
 should publish a sustainable approach regarding
tax
Use synonyms
 payment.
By giving
Change preposition
Giving
show examples
 a
tax
Use synonyms
 based on business profit,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can deter large
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 and shopping sellers from selling a vast amount of commodities at a low cost, making the local
market
Use synonyms
 more balanced.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it can act as an insensitive general dweller to open their own shop,
this
Linking Words
 means that increases the chances for employment which can phase in the jobless propensity. Ultimately,
this
Linking Words
 approach would lead to more equality in social communities, supporting the employability
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 local residents. In conclusion, if a majority of products have been sold by
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 and online shopping ,
this
Linking Words
 trend can lead to unfair discrimination and
also
Linking Words
 a jobless problem. If the
government
Use synonyms
 adopt a sustainable
tax
Use synonyms
 rule , they can help small local shops get out of financial difficulties conditions, decreasing injustice and making more working vaccines

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea. Use clear topic sentences to show what each paragraph is about.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples from real life to support your points. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure, as some sentences are unclear. Simple sentences can help convey ideas more clearly.
task achievement
You have addressed the main points of the task.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic of local shops versus supermarkets.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • local employment opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • community engagement
  • property prices
  • homogenization of the retail environment
  • social gathering points
  • unique and specialized products
  • local heritage preservation
  • online retailers
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