IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

1.Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

While
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 some people argue that we should emphasize the importance of
competition
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 when teaching
children
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, other groups believe that teaching
children
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 to cooperate is more important. In my opinion, I believe that cooperation it is better to be taught. On one side of the argument, there are people who believe that
children
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 should be encouraged to have competitiveness as it will lead to better results.
Further
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 to
this
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,
competition
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 in school will build confidence in
children
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, leading to a positive improvement in task achievement,
as well as
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 enhancing concentration skills.
For example
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, later in life,
this
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 confidence will help them to prepare for a job interview, or in
work
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 environments.
However
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, I strongly believe that winning is not everything. A society focused on winning and competing ignores other important traits
such
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 as compassion and generosity. Despite the aforementioned views, some people consider that cooperation will prove to be more beneficial for society and individuals. Through cooperation, it will educate
children
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 to be better at social skills in many situations.
Additionally
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, these skills come from participating in teamwork and collaboration,
as well as
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 complementing each other.
In particular
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, students who study in a group will be better at group
work
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 in a future
work
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 environment, allowing them to be more successful in their careers.
Consequently
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, I believe that
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
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 is an extremely important value and has more value than
competition
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.
Children
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 who learn that winning against another is not the most important thing will be more willing to
work
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 together towards achieving their goals.
To sum up
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, there is disagreement in terms of the effects of
competition
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 on
children
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. In my opinion, I strongly believe that
children
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 should be taught to
work
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 together as it will help
children
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 engage in society and give them more opportunities in their future.

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task achievement
Clarify your main points better and ensure that each paragraph clearly develops your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between your ideas to improve the flow of your essay.
introduction and conclusion
You present a clear opinion in the introduction and conclude your essay effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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