IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

“These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are advantages and disadvantages of this ?”

#“these #people #work #job #change #career #times #life
It is argued that people prefer to change their careers, through working in more than
one
 job in their lifespan. Their decision comes with many merits and demerits. I completely agree with the idea and will support my opinion with examples in
this
 essay. In today's world, youngsters are capable of performing multiple tasks and it is the need of the
time
 as well. Individuals are interested in both full-
time
 and part-
time
 work. They continue with
one
 career in the morning and the other in the evening. Having several careers at a
time
 will help in increasing the income of a person.
Furthermore
, it will
also
 enhance their skills too. He/she will be able to learn multiple skills at a
time
, which will make them bold and confident in society. Their desire
of getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 knowledge will be expended, through which
one
 will be motivated to do new things in his/her life.
For example
, Fahad Mustafa, a famous actor from Pakistan,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
started his career in acting in dramas, which later was extended to films and now he is the producer and director of films.
Along with
 it he is
also
 taking charge of his investments and has launched his
perfume
Correct word choice
own perfume
show examples
 too.
However
, multiple jobs bring some disadvantages as well. Engaging oneself in different works leads to frustration and anxiety in people. They are so busy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
earning money that they do not have enough
time
 for their families. Even it has
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 impact on
one
's health.
For instance
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 hard for the local business holder to engage themselves in other tasks, if they do so
then
 it makes them frustrated.
Hence
, it is proven that every single human desires to have a new job and career in their life, which can sometimes increase their income but sometimes lead to a decline in their health as well.
Submitted by hadiyanasir73 on

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a detailed discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of changing careers and working in multiple jobs. However, be careful with small grammatical errors and sentence structure to make your writing more polished.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using connector words and phrases can enhance the logical structure of the essay.
introduction
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and the writer's stance, which helps in setting the stage for the argument.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points made in the essay, providing a sense of closure.
content
The use of relevant examples, like Fahad Mustafa's career, makes the essay more engaging and credible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broader skill set
  • Job satisfaction
  • Adaptable
  • Networking opportunities
  • Professional network
  • Career opportunities
  • Financial instability
  • Job security
  • Consistent income
  • Unemployment
  • Pensions
  • Health insurance
  • Stress
  • Burnout
  • Mental health
What to do next:
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