IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, in the increasingly digital age, advertisements can be seen almost everywhere in cities. A variety of merchants use advertisement marketing methods that emphasize "new" about their items. I believe there are several reasons for
this
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 phenomenon. Today, I would like to discuss both the positive and negative impacts of
this
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 topic.
Firstly
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, lots of businesses promote their sales effectively by emphasizing their products are new. In some ways, it attracts various consumers to learn and purchase these items, especially young people who are curious about the new function or appearance.
This
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 advertising method is particularly prominent in the brands of electronic devices.
For example
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, Apple company gradually publishes advertisements announcing that it will launch new iPhone devices
according to
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 their previous style. Lots of individuals are quite interested in
this
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, and even reserving it in advance. Once the new iPhone was launched, the sales performance was extremely positive. From the above Apple company sample, we can notice that these methods of marketing can boost economic growth, which helps their local people obtain more job opportunities. On the plus side, it allows residents to have good salaries to support their families, which enhances economic sustainability and brings a good living environment.
Furthermore
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, the government can invest in local education because of the good financial background.
However
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, what cannot be ignored is that immature people like teenagers, can be attracted to and buy these items because of
this
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 kind of advertising. Some of them even take out a loan to buy it. It will undoubtedly impact their mental health if they can not afford the loan interest.
In addition
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, the government and commercial businesses have the responsibility to notice the influence of the entire society when they want to push economic development.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follow it closely.
task achievement
Try to provide more examples to support your points and make them clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Conclude your essay with a clear summary of your views.
positive
The introduction outlines the topic well and states your opinion clearly.
positive
The use of the Apple example is relevant and helps illustrate your point about advertising.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
What to do next:
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