IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the ‎cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its ‎disadvantages?‎

In today’s world, it has become increasingly common for young people to move from rural
areas
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 to urban
centers
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centres
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 in search of better educational and employment opportunities.
While
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this
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 trend reflects the allure of city life, I believe its consequences are far from positive. In
this
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 essay, I will outline the main reasons behind
this
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 movement and explain why I believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. One major reason why many young individuals leave their hometowns is the abundance of job opportunities in
cities
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. Urban
areas
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 offer a wider range of employment options with significantly higher salaries compared to rural regions.
This
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 enables individuals to earn more and enjoy a better standard of living, which may not be achievable in less developed
areas
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.
Moreover
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,
cities
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 are often equipped with state-of-the-art infrastructure and facilities, including high-quality healthcare and education systems.
For instance
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, hospitals in metropolitan regions tend to have advanced medical technologies and specialized staff, which contribute to better health outcomes.
Similarly
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, universities in
cities
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 offer more resources, experienced faculty, and diverse academic programs, creating a more competitive and enriching environment for students. Despite these advantages, I believe that the negative impacts of
this
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 migration trend are considerable.
Firstly
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, the sharp increase in urban population places immense pressure on public services, resulting in overcrowded housing, traffic congestion, and strained healthcare systems. These problems not only lower the quality of life for city residents but
also
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 make
cities
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 less sustainable in the long run. At the same time, rural communities often suffer from a severe loss of
labor
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labour
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, especially in agriculture, which is vital for national food security. With fewer young workers remaining in farming sectors, food production could decline, leading to higher prices and increased dependency on imports.
Furthermore
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, urban expansion typically worsens environmental issues
such
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 as air and water pollution, which may contribute to long-term public health problems and ecological imbalance. In conclusion,
although
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 urban
areas
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 undoubtedly offer better opportunities in terms of income and personal development, the social and environmental costs of rural-to-urban migration should not be ignored. From my perspective, the disadvantages of
this
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 movement—
such
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 as resource strain,
labor
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labour
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 shortages in key sectors, and environmental degradation—clearly outweigh the potential benefits.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a good introduction and conclusion. Keep using this format in future essays.
task achievement
Try to include more examples or data to support your points. This will make your arguments even stronger.
task achievement
Make sure to address opposing views more to strengthen your argument further.
task achievement
You provided strong reasons for both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is clear and easy to understand, which is very important in academic writing.
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