IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Nowadays, many
people
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 argue that commercial campaigns are doing their job very well, persuading consumers to buy things. Others believe that advertisements are so common that
people
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 have built up a resistance to them.
According to
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 my perspective, I agree with both arguments;
moreover
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, I believe that ads can
also
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 be harmful. In
this
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 essay, I will explore these points with clear examples. On the one hand, many advertising companies use persuasive techniques,
such
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 as emotional appeal and repetition, which can affect customers.
For instance
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, food advertisements often use images of delicious dishes and happy families, which can evoke a sense of warmth and happiness. Another example is that charities often use heartfelt stories, which can influence
people
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 to donate more.
On the other hand
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, advertisements are widely spread in modern society. We can observe them everywhere: in subways, on websites, billboards, journals, and on social media. They appear so constantly that society has started to ignore them. Sometimes, they can even cause anxiety.
Moreover
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, they can negatively affect our lives.
For instance
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, many companies promote their
products
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 using celebrities. The cosmetic industry often uses famous
people
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 with ideal figures and smooth faces, which can make ordinary
people
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 feel insecure or dissatisfied with their appearance. I believe ads can
also
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 be harmful. Take,
for example
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, the huge "Coca-Cola" company, which produces popular soft drinks, commonly known as Coke. These
products
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 contain orthophosphoric acid, which is
chemical
Add an article
a chemical
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 compound used to enhance the flavour of
products
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.
However
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,
this
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 acid can cause heart disease and other health issues.
Moreover
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, excessive consumption of
such
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 drinks can lead to osteoporosis and tooth decay. In conclusion, advertising companies are very popular in modern society and are used everywhere, but they should be monitored and regulated by the government, especially in the case of food
products
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses clearly on one main idea to improve structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Provide stronger connections between ideas so the reader can follow your thoughts more easily.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your claims, making them more convincing.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas a little more, ensuring everything is fully developed.
task achievement
You included relevant examples from both sides of the argument, showing good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gives a clear overview of your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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