IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The given pie chart illustrates data about where
people
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 were born,
while
Linking Words
 the table gives
infomation
Correct your spelling
information
 about where those
people
Use synonyms
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in 2 specific areas.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 born in
this
Linking Words
 country, several of them were British, New Zealander,Chinese and Netherlander.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most of
Cities
Use synonyms
 citizens
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 Chinese, Netherlanders and British.
This
Linking Words
 analysis will focus on the pie chart. 73% of
people
Use synonyms
choose
Correct pronoun usage
who choose
show examples
 to live in
Australia
Use synonyms
 were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there is 7% of
Use synonyms
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 residents, who were born in the UK, followed by New Zealand, China and Netherlands, which accounted for 3%,2% and 1%. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
,
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
 of birth of
people
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 consisted of 14%, which is the second highest
features
Fix the agreement mistake
feature
show examples
 in the pie chart. Moving on to the table in
further
Linking Words
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 a little of
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australians
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 Chinese, they tend to live in the
cities
Use synonyms
, which is the highest percentage in the table, at 99%. In connection, 90% of Netherlands
people
Use synonyms
 and 89% of UK
people
Use synonyms
 choose to live in the
cities
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 just 83% and 80% of
Autralian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 and New Zealanders prefer to live in the
cities
Use synonyms
, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, cities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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