IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Providing children with pocket money on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In today's modernized world, there has been a debated topic about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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giving
pocket
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money
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for
Change preposition
to
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children
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 weekly may
Add a missing verb
be advantage
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advantage
Replace the word
advantageous
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 in their
future
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Although
Linking Words
 there are certain issues of
this
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 situation in some specific conditions, I firmly believe that
this
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 approach creates more benefits for juveniles'
future
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.
This
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 essay will examine two key reasons, arguing my perspective, illustrated with relevant examples, followed by a well-reasoned conclusion. One of the main advantages is that
children
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 can get a greater idea about the value of the
money
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. Most of the people, especially youngsters, do not have
this
Linking Words
 idea.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it creates more serious problems in their personal life.
Therefore
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, having a better knowledge of the value of
money
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 offers a good understanding of the importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
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 and
future
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 goals. In Asia, thousands of parents,
for example
Linking Words
,
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
pocket
Use synonyms
money
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 and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 the idea of how it is spent truthfully for their day-to-day work. The second key point is that juveniles try to save
money
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 and make plans regularly when they have sufficient
money
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.
While
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 some
children
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 save their
pocket
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money
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 for their basic necessaries, without disturbing their parents, others plan to invest for some
future
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 goals or achievements. Both these approaches are really vital for their upcoming life. A recent study conducted by the University of Peradeniya (2024) revealed that 45% of
children
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 save their
pocket
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money
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 for their own targets in Sri Lanka,
while
Linking Words
 28% of minors allocate their
money
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 for their
future
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 plans. In conclusion, taking everything into account, I reiterate my strong belief that
although
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 their some disadvantages, I completely agree that giving
pocket
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money
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in
Change preposition
on
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 a weekly basis to minors creates significant merits, including having a good understanding of the value of
money
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and trying to save and make
future
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 plans.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but make sure to state your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a bit long and could be split into shorter ones to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'in addition', or 'for example'.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples to support your points, especially regarding saving money.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion nicely restates your opinion and summarizes the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pocket money
  • benefit
  • financial responsibility
  • budgeting skills
  • saving habits
  • independence
  • decision-making
  • financial management
  • value of money
  • earning
  • spending
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • consequences
  • work ethic
What to do next:
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