IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments should support care vs. finance for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Governments
Use synonyms
 in many countries are known to
support
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 retired employees financially.
This
Linking Words
 policy is unnecessary to some and they argue that retired
people
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 should independently
support
Use synonyms
 themselves with their
savings
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that
governments
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 should
support
Use synonyms
 retired income because not many
people
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 have the opportunity to save money during their work times
due to
Linking Words
 financial struggles. In
this
Linking Words
 modern day,
while
Linking Words
 economic growth is on the rise, many
individuals
Use synonyms
 have the opportunity to have some
savings
Use synonyms
 in their lives.
People
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 can easily learn and invest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
crypto currency
Correct your spelling
cryptocurrency
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 online real-estate options, with smaller amounts of fees
individuals
Use synonyms
 can have investments for their future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, learning about these retired
people
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 would be able to get some income during their retirement. Many retirees in Switzerland have been taught about
crypto currencies
Correct your spelling
cryptocurrencies
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 are now trying to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to invest in digital marketing.
People
Use synonyms
 do not have the chance to have
savings
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 particularly those
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 work in
middle
Add an article
the middle
show examples
 class. Many
individuals
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support
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 their children,
loved
Correct word choice
and loved
show examples
 ones,
therefore
Linking Words
 it is difficult to finance and save adequate money when they are retired.
Governments
Use synonyms
 have
critical
Add an article
a critical
show examples
 role in
this
Linking Words
 process by fostering
individuals
Use synonyms
 after retirement age. Many European countries have pension plans like the UK or Turkey to
support
Use synonyms
 their retirees with monthly payments and
this
Linking Words
 would enhance the cost of their living. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many critics consider retired employees should have some
savings
Use synonyms
 to
support
Use synonyms
 themselves independently
this
Linking Words
 essay agrees that not every individual is sufficient enough to save money. Many
individuals
Use synonyms
 face financial difficulties
while
Linking Words
 working
therefore
Linking Words
governments
Use synonyms
 should continue providing care and financial assistance to their citizens for life long.

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task achievement
Make sure your main ideas are clear and well explained.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and connect to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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