IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinión

People
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 have different views regarding poor-quality work and financial hardship. Some
people
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 think we should adjust to whatever we have;
however
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, others believe that
people
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 should try their best to find ways to improve the situation for themselves. As far as I am concerned, I am in favour of addressing the issue.
To begin
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, on one side, proponents think that individuals should stay happy with whatever condition they have,
such
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 as a lack of money and undesired work, for several reasons. The first and foremost reason is happiness. To clarify, it is human nature that
people
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 always try to grab better opportunities no matter what they already have, which makes them unable to enjoy their lives and stay happy with their situations.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a story covered by the Ajit newspaper, the incident involving a person named Harman, who was a billionaire, gave his entire
life
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 to expanding his business, but unfortunately, he died at the age of 50 without spending time with his family or experiencing any enjoyment.
Hence
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, in the greed of becoming more successful, he wasted his entire
life
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. On the other side, proponents are in favour of working hard to improve the current situation. The first reason behind
this
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 is a prosperous
life
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 and necessity. To elaborate, not everyone is born with a silver spoon; some individuals have to work hard to earn their bread and butter. So, if they compromise with their situation,
then
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 all their generations will have to face the same problems.
However
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, if they try different ways of earning rather than getting stuck in one job, they can make their future bright.
For instance
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, Asia's richest man, Mukesh Ambani, was not born rich; before starting his business, he sold tea on the roads.
Then
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,
due to
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 his creative mind and dedication, he became a well-known businessman in the world.
To conclude
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,
although
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 both points have their benefits and side effects, I think that rather than compromising with conditions,
people
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 should focus on making their upcoming time bright, but not forget to enjoy their
life
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 and spend time with loved ones.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas and improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents both sides of the argument clearly.
task achievement
The use of specific examples makes your points stronger.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • acceptance
  • contentment
  • resilience
  • complacency
  • personal growth
  • societal progress
  • motivating
  • circumstances
  • growth mindset
  • innovation
  • persistent
  • frustration
  • dissatisfaction
  • realistic expectations
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