IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The best way to ensure a happy family life for children is to make mothers and fathers take part in parenting courses every year.Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

Raising children in a supportive and nurturing family environment is a priority for many societies. Some argue that the best way to ensure a happy family life is to require
parents
Use synonyms
 to attend annual parenting
courses
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 I acknowledge the potential benefits of
such
Linking Words
 programs, I do not believe that mandatory
courses
Use synonyms
 are the most effective or practical solution. On the one hand, parenting
courses
Use synonyms
 can offer valuable guidance, especially for first-time
parents
Use synonyms
 or those struggling with specific challenges. These programs can cover essential topics
such
Linking Words
 as communication, discipline strategies, emotional support, and child development, all of which contribute to a healthier family dynamic.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, attending
such
Linking Words
courses
Use synonyms
 regularly could help
parents
Use synonyms
 adapt to their children’s changing needs as they grow older, potentially preventing conflicts or misunderstandings.
However
Linking Words
, making these
courses
Use synonyms
 compulsory every year could lead to resistance and may not yield the desired results. Effective parenting often stems from personal experience, cultural values, and individual family circumstances, which cannot always be addressed through standardised training.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many
parents
Use synonyms
 already balance demanding work schedules, household responsibilities, and childcare. Imposing mandatory
courses
Use synonyms
 could add unnecessary pressure, especially for low-income or single-parent families who may lack time or resources. A more balanced approach would be to offer parenting support as an option, not an obligation. Governments and community organizations could provide accessible, flexible, and free or low-cost programs that
parents
Use synonyms
 can choose to attend as needed. Promoting awareness of the benefits of these
courses
Use synonyms
 might encourage more voluntary participation without imposing rigid requirements. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 parenting
courses
Use synonyms
 can be helpful tools, I disagree that making them mandatory each year is the best way to ensure children’s happiness.
Instead
Linking Words
, providing accessible resources and encouraging parental engagement in a more flexible manner would likely be more effective in fostering healthy family relationships.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Break down some longer sentences to make your ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that links to the overall argument.
structure
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You present a clear disagreement with the idea of mandatory parenting courses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: