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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many parents insist that access to electronic media for
children
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 should be restricted and they should be encouraged to read
books
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 in their free
time
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. I completely agree with
this
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 proposition and in
this
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 essay, I will explain the demerits of spending an excessive amount of
time
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 on electronic gadgets and the merits of book reading. To start with, when
children
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 spend an excessive amount of
time
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 watching television or playing computer games, it has a negative impact on their health and psychology. First and foremost, it weakens the
eye-sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
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 of
children
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. The reason is the blue rays which come out of all the electronic devices and if kids watch
such
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 devices for a very long
time
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, it will affect their
eye-sight
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eyesight
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, some cartoon shows on TV and video games make
children
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 more aggressive and ill-mannered.
For instance
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, playing games on Xbox that involve fighting can influence
children
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 to be violent in real life.
Similarly
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, some cartoon shows can teach them improper
language
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.
Therefore
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, parents must limit
the
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their
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 kids’ screen
time
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.
Instead
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 of engaging
children
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 on electronic devices, elders should persuade them to read
books
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 as it has numerous benefits.
Firstly
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, the book reading habit would improve
language
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 skills. When someone starts reading, he or she will come across
vast
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a vast
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 vocabulary and get to learn proper grammar.
This
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 way the command over
language
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 strengthens. Simultaneously, the knowledge of different subjects increases when the child reads more. More significantly, reading
books
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 will enhance the imaginative capabilities of a child. The reason behind
this
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 is that in
books
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, the situations of the story are described in words and to understand that a reader has to imagine the background and
this
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 mental exercise improves their creativity. In conclusion, the advice to cut down
children
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’s screen
time
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 and replace it
by
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with
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 book-reading
time
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 is reasonable because too much access to electronic media will harm
children
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’s eyesight
as well as
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 inculcate bad habits in them.
However
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, motivating them towards book reading will not only improve their knowledge and
language
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 but will
also
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 develop their imagination power.

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coherence and cohesion
While you have a clear introduction and conclusion, consider adding a brief summary of your main points in the conclusion to provide a stronger closure.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more specific details or anecdotal evidence to reinforce your main ideas.
task achievement
You have effectively communicated your agreement with the statement and provided logical reasons for your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of your argument.
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