IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, children are increasingly spending
time
Use synonyms
 on the internet, using their phones.
This
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 causes active disapproval among parents, teachers and some psychologists. There are many reasons why children and teenagers are on their phones, so
this
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 topic is relevant these days.
Firstly
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, phones allow you to freely use the internet anywhere in the world. Children and teenagers can communicate and learn a lot of new things, watch entertaining videos and upload them themselves without leaving home.
For example
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,
this
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 allows you to escape from the daily routine and forget about stress.
This
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 is a good opportunity to calm your nerves.
Moreover
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, despite the advantages there are
also
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 disadvantages that may arise from frequent smartphone use.
For example
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, it can lead to a deterioration in physical health. Sitting in front of a bright screen for a long
time
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 can impair vision.
Also
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, some content can worsen psychological health and condition. Taking everything into consideration, the habit of spending a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on the phone can have a bad effect on your health, but
this
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 is a great opportunity to develop and communicate with friends. Parents and teachers can use
such
Linking Words
 a method as limiting the
time
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 spent on gadgets,
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then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 everything will be fine for everyone.

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task achievement
Try to have a clearer introduction that states your opinion on the topic. Make sure to clearly outline your arguments in the introduction.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points. For example, explain how smartphones can both help and harm children in specific situations.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer transitions between your ideas to help guide the reader. For instance, use phrases like 'on the other hand' to show contrast.
task achievement
You clearly mention both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone use, which shows a balanced view.
task achievement
Your writing presents some relevant points that are important to the topic, such as communication and health effects.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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