IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it. How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

In
this
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 digital era , it is very convenient to learn about different countries
while
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 sitting at home in the comfort zone which helps
people
Use synonyms
 to connect with other cultures and religions.
However
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, they can get substantial information about employment opportunities when they visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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another nation . To commence with, some
people
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 think that technology has reduced the distance between the
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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 by providing tons of knowledge online .
People
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 have access to
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 so , they can watch distinct television shows and read news on YouTube
as a result
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, they can
make
Verb problem
keep
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 themselves up-to-date with current international affairs.
For instance
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, as per
the
Correct article usage
apply
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BBC News , movies are
the
Correct article usage
a
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 source of entertainment and thousands of individuals
found
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find
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 it useful to learn different languages which
enhanced
Wrong verb form
enhances
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 their skills and
emphasis
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emphasises
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 their talent.
However
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,
people
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 can learn a lot about another country by visiting because sometimes
people
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 cannot get proper exposure through
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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. They can explore plenty of opportunities which will assist them to get a job
thus
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 , they become
self independent
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self-independent
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 and learn different
loop holes
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loopholes
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 and strategies
how
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on how
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 to settle down permanently in that particular nation.
Moreover
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, they can attach emotionally with the local
people
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 and respect their sentiments.
For instance
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, as per the survey, In 2023 , 10 million
people
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has been
Wrong verb form
were
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 invited by the government of Canada. They
also
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 provided them permanent residency
hence
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, they are enjoying rich Canadian heritage life .
To conclude
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, it is an excellent to get information about different
culture
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cultures
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 and
country
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countries
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 through electronic gadgets
nonetheless
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, visiting there has more benefits which
helps
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help
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 in
overall
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 development.

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task achievement
Make sure all parts of the question are fully answered and explained clearly.
coherence
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
cohesion
Make sure to use proper transition words to connect your ideas.
task achievement
You have presented some relevant examples of how media provides information about foreign countries, showing awareness of the topic.
coherence
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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