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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people's choice of future jobs bases on salary. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

As the variety of occupations increases, the debate over whether youngsters should prioritize salary when choosing jobs remains a controversy.
While
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 there are inherent drawbacks
of
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to
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this
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 trend, it, arguably, can cope with more major concerns. The crux of the matter is the loss of basic experience. Typically, high-paid
workers
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 are less exposed to primary sectors, along the lines of processing of raw materials and some repetitive manual work, resulting in the lack of a more comprehensive understanding of the entire production. Looking at the big picture, a shortage in
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labor
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labour
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 supply will occur, if fewer
workers
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 are willing to devote themselves
into
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to
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 low-paid jobs, and
this
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 could, in the long run, lead to
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a governments’
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governments’
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governments
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 budget deficit since the high-paid
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labor
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labour
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 market will witness massive unemployment in light of fierce competition. Albeit the aforementioned downsides,
this
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 tendency displays more apparent upsides, taking financial situation and incentives into consideration. For regular
workers
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, higher disposable income means a wealthier life. To be more specific, over 30% of children over the middle class receive international education, which is more developed and diverse.
Furthermore
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,
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labor
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labour
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 productivity rises when motivated by the desirable payments received, and
this
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, justifiably, enhances
the
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apply
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integrity and loyalty towards the company. As far as the firms are concerned, higher wage comes into play when attracting more talented and proficient
workers
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, in order to promote their competence in the global market. Statistically, the top 50 multinationals, in China, pay $50,000 on average each year
to
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for
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 both their technical and managerial
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labor
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labour
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.
To conclude
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, higher salaries are the option for the majority though potential opportunity costs may fall on them.
Consequently
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, the younger generation should contemplate before opting for a low-paid job.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly expresses one main idea. This will help your ideas flow better and be understood more easily.
task achievement
Try to give more examples to support your points. Specific examples make your argument stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a clearer conclusion. A strong conclusion should summarize your main ideas clearly and restate your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your discussion of financial benefits is clear and relevant, showing good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets up the essay well by introducing the main issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • salary
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • high standard of living
  • education
  • healthcare
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • goals
  • job dissatisfaction
  • passionate
  • unfulfilled
  • career
  • stress
  • burnout
  • responsibility
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • work harder
  • competitive
  • innovation
  • economic growth
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