IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as poor people become poorer and rich people become richer. What problems could this situations casue??what are the solutions to address those problems??

In the present world, we see many rich
people
Use synonyms
 in our daily lives, and after we learn more about them, we find out that they come from wealthy families.
However
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, the same pattern was seen among poor
people
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.
Consquantely
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Consequently
, many
people
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 believe that there is a gap between the rich and the poor residents, and that
gab
Correct your spelling
gap
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 has increased significantly. In my opinion, the problem is that nobody
wanted
Wrong verb form
wants
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 to change their lives and they accept the situation they are in.
This
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 essay will discuss both problems and solutions.
To begin
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 with, individuals who are born rich learn how to think
as
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like
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 their wealthy parents.
As a result
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, they become rich and earn money. Most of them work hard to keep their income the same
by
Change preposition
over
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 time or even increase it. Meanwhile, poor
people
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 do the same thing; they think as their families did
,
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apply
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 because they believe that there is a way to become rich, so they don't try to make any change.
According to
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 New York Magazine, only 30% of poor
people
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who
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apply
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become rich after being born into low-income families.
Secondly
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, to
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this
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apply
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solve
this
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 issue, schools should teach children from a young age the importance of working hard and searching for a better future.
Moreover
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, governments should build places and entertainment facilities where both rich and poor
people
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 can have the same service regardless of how much money they have.
Additionally
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, governments may help
people
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 create their own businesses by giving them loans when they want.
To sum up
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, in
the
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apply
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recent years, many countries have faced
this
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 issue.
While
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 the combination between governments and both rich and poor
people
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 could reduce the gap between them,it is really hard to get rid of
this
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 problem at all.

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task response
Make sure to clearly answer both parts of the question: the problems and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your main points, as this strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
It raises important points about the influence of upbringing on wealth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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