IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is often said that governements spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

It is often
argurd
Correct your spelling
argued
 by many commentators that, governments invest handsome
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money to save
wildlife
Use synonyms
, even though, nations
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more pressing issues
such
Linking Words
 as
education
Use synonyms
 and unemployment. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and firmly believe that those funds should be invested to address these issues first. My inclination will be explained in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs.
According to
Linking Words
 me,
education
Use synonyms
 is more crucial than
wildlife
Use synonyms
 protection in
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
show examples
 growth and
this
Linking Words
 is the prime reason why I believe that authorities are prioritizing improving
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate over conserving
wildlife
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is to say that,
education
Use synonyms
 is the key element for the development of the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
nation and
hence
Linking Words
, the ruling parties of the nations not only encourage families about the importance of primary
education
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 provide subsidies to the low-income family's children.
For instance
Linking Words
, many poor families can not afford basic school supplies for their children
therefore
Linking Words
, those government grants can be beneficial to them. Another prominent issue that every nation is facing is unemployment and after
Correct article usage
the pendemic
show examples
pendemic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
this
Linking Words
 rate has drastically increased. In the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2020, employees lost their jobs because of either no work during the lockdown period or
due to
Linking Words
 the company closures permanently. That resulted in low financial stability among citizens
and
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 were not able to purchase goods even for their daily use. That's why,
this
Linking Words
 is another reason, I believe that authorities are investing public funds in creating more jobs
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 contributing towards
wildlife
Use synonyms
 conservation.
To conclude
Linking Words
, Though
wildlife
Use synonyms
 protection is necessary, I believe that the large sum of public
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 is utilized
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
betterment
Add an article
the betterment
show examples
 and growth of humans by providing primary
education
Use synonyms
 and creating more jobs.

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task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly explained and supported with examples. This will help your argument be stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use linking words (like firstly, however, also) to connect your ideas. This helps the reader follow your thoughts more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Try to add details in your introduction that directly answer the question. This makes your main point clearer from the start.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion that aligns with your argument.
task achievement
You mention important issues such as education and unemployment clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • governments
  • spend
  • money
  • projects
  • protect
  • wildlife
  • important
  • agree
  • disagree
  • balance
  • investing
  • benefits
  • eco-tourism
  • health
  • natural
  • areas
  • biodiversity
  • food security
  • environmental balance
  • ignoring
  • extinction
  • species
  • ecosystems
  • resources
What to do next:
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